Persistence of Memory
by petitestars
Summary: Regaining their memories was just the beginning…
1. Chapter 1

Title: Persistence of Memory

Author: petite_stars

Rating: PG

Pairing: S/J

Word Count: Approx 23 000 in 14 parts

Season/Spoilers: Set season 4, follows Beneath the Surface

Summary: Regaining their memories was just the beginning…

Disclaimer: Not mine! Just borrowing the characters, Stargate SG1 belongs to MGM, Rob Cooper and Brad Wright etc.

Author's notes: My first attempt at a longer fic and it proved much more difficult than I thought! Written as BTS is one of my all time favourite episodes and after watching it for the hundredth time this idea popped into my head. Thanks to wanderingsmith my fabulous beta.

Feedback, good or bad, is very much appreciated.

***

Story Notes: Italics are flashbacks to the planet in BTS, snippets of the life Jonah and Thera shared. Not necessarily in chorological order. Everything not in italics takes place in order.

***

Chapter One

_It was difficult to maintain a relationship underneath the ice. It wasn't forbidden but the small, crowded quarters made the lack of privacy for more intimate relationships near impossible, or at the very least less than ideal for a couple who wanted time to themselves. Those who didn't mind the audience, used the main sleeping area, waiting until lights out to give in to their desires. _

_Jonah and Thera did not fancy an audience, they had gone as far as they both were comfortable with publicly. Thera stiffened and pulled away every time she spotted the greedy eyes of her fellow workers as she and Jonah grew closer. Jonah hated the thought of another's eyes on Thera's soft, pale skin when he himself had only been privy to flashes of what was beneath her thick uniform._

_It was Jonah who found the alcove hidden away from the main working area of the facility, it wasn't a large space but it was sheltered from the general thoroughfare of the workers. The once used alcove had been home to one of the many power machines, however when it's overworked engines finally broke, it was deemed unfixable and destroyed. The empty alcove left behind was the perfect space for the type of privacy Jonah and Thera were craving. _

_Jonah whispered his find to Thera during the dinner meal, "I found a private alcove in the abandoned F sector."_

_Thera turned to him with wide eyes, "Is it safe… and private?"_

"_Yes," Jonah said keeping his voice low, "To both."_

_Thera didn't say anything for awhile, instead she focused back on her food but she seemed to be more interested in playing with the food than actually eating it._

"_We don't have to do this Thera." Jonah saw her hesitation and decided to put the decision into her hands. He was not going to force her into doing something she was not ready to do._

_Thera looked at Jonah for a long moment, seemingly looking for something important in his face. Eventually she slid her cool hand onto his cheek and whispered into his ear, "But I want to."_

_Jonah felt desire flood his veins at her whispered words, he took a deep controlling breath then asked again._

"_Only if you're sure."_

"_I am." Thera said, her voice sounded confident._

_Jonah nodded and whispered the directions to the alcove. They decided to meet an hour after lights out at the alcove, it was necessary to leave the sleeping quarters separately in order to avoid detection. They looked at each other with barely disguised hope and desire as they eagerly awaited the time to put their plan into motion._

_Jonah pushed at her still full bowl with a smile, "Eat all your dinner. You'll need the energy."_

_Thera smiled and ate the rest of her food._

***

Janet Frasier put down the phone with a relieved sigh. SG1 were back, apparently suffering minor injuries and a strange amnesia, but they were back. Janet left her office and informed her team to prepare for incoming, she smiled to herself thinking that only SG1 had both the best and worst luck in all of the SGC. They seemed to attract the most trouble, but they also seemed to escape every single damn time.

As SG1 came through the infirmary door they appeared to look around at the room with concentrated expressions, as if they were trying to recall a memory. They were dressed in heavy brown generic clothing, their pale faces looked thin and Sam's hair seemed to have been sheared short, but other than that, they looked like the friends Janet remembered.

Her friends plus one, Janet noted as she realized a fifth, unfamiliar body had followed them into the room. She saw the blood first, and the way the woman's face was pinched with pain as she cradled her arm, and Janet snapped into action making a beeline for the injured woman.

"SG1, nice of you to finally return," Janet smiled as she reached the group and put a hand on the injured woman's arm, "And you've bought back a friend."

"Better late than never, Doc." Jack quipped. He certainly sounded like himself, Janet noted, but it concerned her how quiet the rest of them were, and the blank looks that greeted her from both Sam and Daniel.

"This is Brenna Doctor Frasier, she has been injured by a projectile weapon." It was Teal'c who helped Janet guide Brenna to a bed. Janet gave an order to the rest of the medical staff to commence post mission physicals on SG1 and she began to work on Brenna.

"Hello Brenna," Janet pulled the curtain closed around the bed and motioned the nurse, Anna, to remove Brenna's top, "I'm Doctor Frasier, this is Anna, we'll be taking care of you."

Brenna's eyes seemed to dart around the unfamiliar area but she remained calm, if still clearly in pain, "Okay."

"How did you get this wound?"

"Administrator Caulder shot me for assisting SG1 to regain their memories and escape." Brenna said.

"Regain their memories?" Janet hoped that whatever was done to SG1's memories was reversible.

"Yes, they were memory stamped to assure their compliance as workers."

Janet found the wound to be bleeding only minimally and it appeared the bullet had passed through cleanly, "Your wound doesn't look to serious. We should be able to patch you right up."

"Thank you," Brenna said.

"A memory stamp? Is this permanent?" Janet questioned the woman, aware of her pain but with the knowledge SG1 had been missing for a month and that the strange amnesia reported, would be better treated if she knew what she was dealing with.

"It is long term, although reversible. However in the case of SG1, we made slight alterations to adjust for their differing brain chemistry and the memory stamp was not as effective. Their memories will return completely."

Janet was relieved at the news, although she would feel much more assured when she was able to examine SG1 herself. She bound Brenna's arm tightly in gauze and a bandage.

"Okay Brenna, I'm going to give you something for the pain, then we'll get an xray, a picture of the inside of your arm, and providing that the bullet left no deep fragments, we'll stitch you up. Anna?" Janet waved the nurse forward.

"Thank you."

Satisfied Brenna was being taken care of Janet went in search of SG1, finding them in the far corner of the room, it appeared as though the physicals had been completed on the men as only one curtain was closed, around Sam's bed. Janet approached Doctor Finlay who was shifting over the files near her office, away from the beds.

"Adam?" Adam Finlay was a fine doctor, he remained cool under pressure and seemed to tackle alien viruses as easily as he did dealing with broken bones. He also had much practice in treating SG1, and was familiar with the team.

"Janet," He greeted her, "They appear to be fine. Their memories aren't back fully but they appear to be returning rapidly at sight of familiar surroundings. Physically they are in good health too. Scans came back normal, no evidence at all of the memory stamp, well no evidence our scans could pick up."

"Really?" Janet was surprised, nearly three months lost off world and they came back healthy? She flipped through the files and saw that Adam was right, blood tests pending, none of them showed any real signs of physical illness. Scans of their brains showed only very slight changes, Janet could only guess how the memory stamp worked.

"I'd say slightly malnourished, some exhaustion but physically none of the men have any red flags."

"And Major Carter?" Janet frowned.

"Major Carter requested for you to do her physical when you returned. I did her vitals, they were stable so I didn't see the harm in waiting as none of the men have any urgent medical problems."

Unusual, Sam had never specifically requested her to do her post mission physical before. Alarm bells started to ring in Janet's head.

"Okay, Adam. I'll go see to Major Carter. Thanks."

"SG1's luck appears to have come through again." Adam laughed as they both turned back to the group, Jack was sitting swinging his legs and throwing cotton wool balls into an empty paper cup on the floor while Teal'c sat motionless on his own bed ignoring O'Neill's attempt to include him in his game. Daniel was on his feet picking up various infirmary items, an intense look of concentration on his face.

"Let's hope it never runs out." Janet said and she approached the three men.

"Okay gentlemen," she smiled as Daniel looked up at her and this time she saw recognition fill his blue eyes, "Your physicals are done. You can go shower and get changed."

"Janet, it's extremely good to see you." Daniel said, and Janet could tell he meant it, "How is… Cassie?"

"She's been worried about you guys, but otherwise fine." She'd avoided telling Cassandra about SG1's MIA status until Sam had missed two Saturday chess games in a row. The teenager had not reacted well to the news her second family was missing and Janet mentally reminded herself to call Cassandra as soon as she could.

"You said we could shower Doctor Frasier?" Teal'c stood up.

"Yes, General Hammond will want a debriefing soon I'm sure."

"Plus we should tell him that we need to start a mass relocation effort." Daniel added.

"Oh I'm sure Major Griff has filled him in on the visitors we are about to get."

"Colonel?" Janet was confused.

"Uh we kinda set the workers free when we escaped." Daniel answered before the Colonel could.

"You didn't bring them back straight away?"

"They had a score to settle." Jack said, "When we dialled the gate we told General Hammond the bare bones of the story. He sent Griff and his team through to begin help."

"Sounds like quite a story." Janet said.

"Oh it is." Jack jumped off the bed, "Showers! How I missed having hot showers."

"You didn't remember having hot showers before today, Jack." Daniel pointed out.

"I remembered I didn't like the cold showers we got in the workers quarters."

Teal'c gave Janet an almost pained look and he left the infirmary, an annoyed Daniel leaving with him. The Colonel hung around, giving Sam's closed curtain a worried glance.

"Something else you wanted Colonel?" Janet prodded him, she really wanted to get to Sam.

"Uh," the Colonel glanced again at Sam's curtain but Janet thought this time he seemed nervous, "No not really."

"Is there something I should know about Sam." Now Janet was really starting to worry.

"No!" The Colonel shook his head and turned to the door, "I'll just go shower now."

"Okay." Janet watched as the Colonel stopped again and turned around, "Yes Colonel?"

"Wouldn't happen to be able to point me in the direction of the locker room would you?"

She gave him the directions then finally pulled back Sam's curtain. The woman lay on the bed in her strange brown clothing, her face covered by her arm thrown across her face. She looked small in the oversized clothing and but Janet could read the tension in the stiffness of Sam's body.

"Sam?" Janet asked, "You wanted me to do your physical?"

"Janet?" Sam dropped her arm and looked at her, Janet was relieved the blankness had disappeared from Sam's gaze as it had Daniel's, she recognized her.

"Yeah, Sam. It's good to have you back."

"It's good to be home."

Janet pulled the standard infirmary trolley over the bed and began to pull out various items as she decided to try and go for the casual approach rather than ask Sam what was wrong outright, outright never worked with SG1 and medicals "I see you got a haircut."

"Yeah." Sam's voice was vague. Although apparently the casual approach wasn't going to work either.

"Sam." Janet pushed the trolley to the side and stood close to the bed so she could look Sam in the eye, "Why did you want me to do your physical? What's going on?"

To Janet's alarm, Sam's face crumpled.

"I think I'm pregnant."

Shit.

***

To be continued in Chapter Two


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks to all that posted a review so far :)

***

Chapter Two

***

_They had managed to escape to their private alcove only a handful of times, but Thera looked forward to those moments of intimacy when she could be with Jonah without the surrounds of the facility and the constant reminder of the fate of her people weighing her down. When she was with Jonah, she felt free, light; he made her laugh and forget that they were living underneath a mountain of ice in close, crowded quarters. It wasn't the sex she enjoyed the most, although it was fantastic, she most liked being able to lie in Jonah's arms, his breath brushing her hair and his hands warm on her belly in the aftermath of making love. She never felt so relaxed, so protected and safe, so… loved, as she did when she was in Jonah's arms._

_Thera had worked a double shift and was exhausted when she was finally able to slip away and meet Jonah in the alcove. He was waiting for her with a blanket and pillows stolen from his bed and a warm smile on his face. Thera felt some of her tiredness disappear as soon as she saw his face and she immediately went into his arms, pressing a kiss into the hollow of his throat._

"_Hello," his voice was throaty and he pulled her to the down and placed her on top of him, protecting her from the cold ground, "Good shift?"_

_Thera straddled his waist, then bent forward and kissed him, she finally pulled away, slightly breathless, to answer him, "Long shift."_

_Jonah pulled her back down to kiss him again as he spoke, "Let me take care of you then."_

_Thera felt herself get lost in his warm kisses as his hands swept over body, caressing her gently through the thick layers of her clothes. She felt warm and comfortable and as he kissed his way down her neck, she shivered as desire pooled in her belly. As his hands slid their way beneath her top however, and touched her cool skin, Thera stiffened and pulled away, suddenly feeling tense._

"_Thera?" Jonah stopped, not pulling his hands from where they rested on the cool skin of her back, but not moving them higher._

_Thera paused, trying to find the source of her discomfort, but she could see nothing that had prompted her to stop in the privacy of the alcove. Exhaustion suddenly hit her full force, and she realized why she had stiffened. She moved to curl up at Jonah's side, his hands sliding away as she repositioned them so that he was spooned behind her._

"_I'm sorry Jonah. I'm just so tired." Thera tried to ignore the press of his eyes on the back of her head. She really was tired, she wasn't lying._

"_That's okay. We can head back so you can sleep."_

"_No." Thera protested, she just wanted to lay here in his arms for awhile and pretend they were the only ones around, that the hundred or so sleeping bodies in the main quarters were non existent._

_Jonah seemed to understand, he tightened his arms around her and pressed a kiss onto her soft hair. They lay in silence for a long moment; Thera closed her eyes and listened to the steady thrum of Jonah's heartbeat, trying to shut out the memories of her long day. _

_After awhile, Jonah asked her quietly, "Thera, why did you do a double shift today?"_

_Although double shifts were not unusual, it was mostly required by the men who operated the machines and did the majority of the physical labour, not Thera, who worked as part of engineering and maintenance. She worked just as hard as the rest of the workers, but her specific job, meant that she was not required as part of the physical task force. A decision by Brenna that was resented by some amongst them, one in particular, Kaegen, had clearly voiced her disapproval by withholding Thera's rations when she was able to get away with it._

"_Mariet, from stores, was sent to the infirmary. They had no one to cover her work so I completed her shift." Thera said._

"_Mariet's nightsick?"_

_Thera hesitated, knowing she couldn't lie to Jonah, but not wanting to tell him of the unpleasant situation. She knew that it was likely Jonah would find out anyway, there were few secrets amongst the workers, "Mariet was pregnant. She was sent for a termination."_

_She felt Jonah stiffen against her back. Although physical intimacy was not forbidden, pregnancy was; prevention was not appropriate given the resources shortage and a termination was a simple, cost effective procedure. It was rumoured that occasionally, breeding camps were set up to replenish the population, but Thera had never met anyone who could confirm that fact. _

"_Have you ever wondered what we would do if it happened to us?" Jonah's voice was quiet and Thera pulled away slightly so she could turn in his arms and look at his face._

"_What?" There was only one thing they could do. She would have to report to the infirmary for a termination. They had a responsibility to their people, it was an honour to serve._

"_Forget I said that." Jonah backed down, sensing her unease._

_Thera stared at him for a long moment, even as he tried to avoid her gaze. Was he saying that he didn't want a termination? That he wanted to have a baby, with her?_

"_Jonah, if things were different…" Thera trailed off._

"_Yes?" Jonah prodded her._

_Thera forced the words out, "I'd want to have your baby."_

"_If things were different, I'd want to give you one." Jonah said simply in response. _

_Thera closed her eyes at his words, feeling a deep aching sadness and sense of loss for something she had never had, and would likely never be able to have. Jonah's hand touched her cheek and he whispered her name in a comforting tone as she fought back tears. In her mind she saw a small boy, with his father's eyes and cheeky grin; that image vanished when she thought once again of the mountain of ice that was at the moment, condemning her people to the harsh living situation they were stuck in, simply to survive._

"_It wouldn't be fair to bring a baby intothis life." Thera said quietly, still not opening her eyes._

"_No," she felt of the rumble of Jonah's voice against her chest, "But I'm just saying, you don't have to be afraid to come to me… if it happens."_

_Thera swallowed, knowing that even being caught discussing this, would mean having their rations cut in half for a month._

"_There wouldn't be anything you could do."_

_Jonah didn't answer, he just hugged her closer and Thera buried her head in his chest. His words rang in her ears, have you ever wondered what we would do, if it happened to us? To us, not her, to us. Jonah had never said the words out loud, but Thera knew it anyway; he loved her._

_***_

Sam escaped into the quietness of the locker room as soon as Janet was finished. She tried not to think about the test Janet was currently running in the infirmary; in fact, she tried not to think of anything at all.

She stripped herself of the heavy brown clothing and, grabbing her towel and shower kit, she slipped into the showers, closing the curtain behind her and letting the hot water soothe her tired muscles. She washed her hair with her favourite citrus shampoo and scrubbed the grime from her skin with the matching body wash, feeling more like Sam Carter and less like Thera with every minute that passed.

The more she felt like Sam Carter, the more guilt she felt. They had crossed a line that should not have been crossed. Crossed it several times in fact, and now she wasn't sure she was ready to deal with the consequences. She thought of her work, her career; she had never really factored children into her life. Working at the SGC meant it was impractical, being on an SGC team meant she was required to have regular birth control shots, Sam had missed her last shot three days into their capture and enslavement on the ice planet. Even on the planet, Thera had realized that having children with her lover was not likely to be in her future, but it hadn't stopped her wanting them.

Sam determinedly changed the focus of her thoughts as she finished her shower and moved back into the locker room to get dressed. She couldn't start thinking along those lines; she wasn't Thera, she was Major Samantha Carter, and she had responsibilities that were more important that personal desires.

She had just finished getting dressed and was looking dismally into the mirror at her butchered hair; she'd have to make an appointment at the salon, soon. She couldn't really blame anyone but herself for the sheared haircut, she'd taken scissors to her own hair not long after being assigned to sector 23; it was as much about making herself a little less noticeable to the men as it was a safety issue for working so closely with the machines. Didn't seem to phase Jonah much; he had been attracted to her seemingly as soon as he had seen her, sheared haircut and all. Thera hadn't tried to distance herself from him either, asshe had with the other men who had approached her. Thera had been attracted to Jonah too, an attraction that had grown into something more than casual sex and intimacy. The relationship with Jonah was the closest Sam had ever truly been with another person, she had never been as free and open with anyone as she had with Jonah.

"Not Sam," she admonished herself out loud, trying to once again change the direction of her thought, "Thera." She was not Thera, they were different people, she tried to convince herself even as she stared into the mirror that reflected the same woman back to her that she had seen on the ice planet.

"Carter?" a soft knock at the door had Sam scrambling away from the mirror and busyingherself packing her things back into her locker

"I'm done sir."

She heard the door open and heard the colonel enter. She continued to shift things around in her locker as she avoided his gaze.

"Is the debriefing about to start?"

"Starts in twenty minutes." he answered her, then went silent. Sam knew he wanted to ask her; he wasn't stupid, no matter how much he pretended to be, and the colonel had been married before, had been a father, he was aware of the chances.

"I'm just going to stop at my lab before the briefing," Sam closed her locker door and turned to the door, still avoiding his gaze, "I'll see you there sir."

She only walked a few paces to the door before stopping as the colonel failed to move out of his stance, blocking the exit. He had an unreadable look on his face and Sam wanted to be anywhere else but where she was at that moment. She wasn't ready for this discussion, but it seemed Colonel O'Neill was not going to be patient and wait.

"Carter I have to know."

He did have a right to know, she supposed, but she couldn't give him the answer he wanted, "I don't know yet. Janet's running the tests."

He ran a hand over his face and Sam couldn't help but look into his eyes. They looked anguished, tortured, like he had spent months in a Goa'uld prison, not months working underground, spending every spare moment being happy with the woman he had… loved. Although Sam knew that both situations were torture, just torture of a different kind.

"I need to get to my lab." Sam wanted some space. She desperately wanted to go up on the surface and see the familiar stars, but she knew she would have to wait until the debriefing.

"Carter, wait." he stopped her, his voice sounding pained.

"Sir."

"It's just that," he looked her in the eye and Sam could see what it was costing him to say this, "When you know I need you to tell me."

Sam felt herself echo back similar words to those uttered in what seemed like another lifetime, "Even if I am, there is nothing we could do."

"Carter."

"No," Sam felt angry; they had broken the rules but they just couldn't live with consequences, "It would be the end of my career. The end of your career."

Jack gave her a sharp look, his voice was restrained but Sam could hear the underlying tension, "It's your career you're worried about?"

"Yes." Sam answered, realizing as she did that it wasn't entirely true, "No. I just… It's not right."

"What do you mean, Carter?"

"It wouldn't be ours," Sam stumbled slightly over the words, "It would be theirs."

Jack shook his head, "That's where you're wrong Sam."

Sam felt herself begin to panic; she couldn't do this, not here, not anywhere, "Sir please."

He backed off, possibly seeing the panic building in her eyes, "Okay, but I just want you to know that I still mean it."

Sam was confused, "What?"

"Don't be afraid to tell me, if it happens," he said, then turned around and left quietly through the door.

Sam slumped down onto the locker room bench and dropped her head into her hands, fighting the urge to cry. She only allowed herself a moment to wallow in the pain before she stood up, straightened her uniform, schooled her face to a neutral expression and left for the debriefing.

***


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks again to all those leaving a review :) Very much appreciated!

Chapter Three

***

_Jonah had noticed her the second she had walked into his section. He had just started his shift and a handful of new workers were being given the tour that he had received only two days before. The other new workers didn't look any different to Jonah, although the tall dark guy looked like he had muscles on top of his muscles; but he could tell that the slim blond woman was special._

_He wasn't the only one to notice. She was the only woman in the group of new workers, her blonde hair seemed to float gracefully around her head, her eyes were a clear blue, her skin was beautifully pale and he ached to touch it. He sensed Kaegen shift opposite him as she noticed the woman, or rather she noticed as Karlin noticed the new woman. Karlin had been transferred to section 23 along with Jonah and Kaegen had latched onto the man with the enthusiasm of a starving woman. Jonah had kept to himself, not really making friends but taking care not to make enemies either._

_The woman was beautiful though, and even as Karlin and the other workers returned to their work, he found himself pausing and staring as she passed by. She must have sensed his eyes on her and at that moment she turned and they locked gazes, she gave him a tentative smile before she broke the stare and followed the group down the dark corridor. Jonah stared after her until Kaegen, annoyed, snapped at him to return to his station._

_Later, Jonah made sure he sat himself near where she sat at the dinner meal. He didn't look directly at her, trying to covertly observe as she continually rebuffed the more confident admirers as they attempted to draw her into conversation. Every now and again his spine prickled and he was sure she was looking over at him, but he didn't dare turn around to make sure._

"_Pretty thing." he heard the murmured words of Girold, a large muscled man, to his friend, Lukah, in contrast a small, skinny weed of a man. Jonah had only been here two days and he despised the two men, who preyed on others around them. He had seen them hassle the women for sex and force the food rations out of the other workers unfortunate enough to cross their path. _

"_Mmmm," Lukah sounded excited, "Don't get many that look like her down here. How could the mines let that go?"_

"_Who cares. She's in our section now," Girold sounded smug and he slurped the remainder of his food loudly. Jack felt his irritation rise as the two men discussed the pretty, pale woman._

"_Look at her hair, it's gold," Lukah said, "I wonder what it feels like?"_

"_Soft, I bet," Girold chuckled, "I wonder if she's as pale and soft underneath her uniform."_

_Jonah clenched his fingers into a fist, knowing he could have both men on the floor in seconds without even breaking a sweat. He tried to calm himself by looking over at the woman who was being discussed so brazenly behind him. She was stiff and looked to be clenching her teeth together tightly. Jonah wondered if she too had heard Girold and Lukah's conversation. He momentarily forgot his anger when he saw her beautiful face. He couldn't help but suspect that they must have known each other before; the more he looked, the more she looked familiar. He couldn't recall her name, but he was sure there was a connection. He could feel it._

_Girold and Lukah moved away and Jonah let out a deep calming breath. The new woman's eyes followed as the two men left the common area and as soon as they were gone, she stood, returned her bowl for cleaning and left, heading towards the bathing rooms. Jonah got up and followed her discretely, stopping when they reached the rooms and she disappeared into the female section. Jonah went into the males and took his shower, the cool water was uncomfortable but it cleared his mind and took the worst of the dirt from his skin._

_Jonah left the bathing room and tried to loiter around outside to see if he could catch the new woman leaving; maybe she could answer why she seemed so familiar. However Kaegen caught him waiting and sent him away with a glare; Kaegen was only small, but she was in charge of the rations and wasn't afraid to wield her power if she took a disliking to you._

_Jonah's bed was calling him anyway; by the time he had bunked down, the day's work caught up with him. The work was strenuous and physical, but Jonah was used to hard work and was not a complainer. He lay on his stomach and propped his head up on his hands, watching as the workers took their beds, waiting for the lights to shut off so he could sleep. _

_He felt himself start a bit as the new woman made her way through the rows of beds and stopped at the one opposite him. It was apparent to him that she had heard the conversation between Girold and Lukah. Her previously shoulder length hair had been cut closely to her head. It didn't help, Jonah still thought she looked beautiful._

_The woman placed a thin blanket and small pillow on the bed and sat down on it. This time when she looked at him Jonah did not look away, he smiled at her and was relieved when it was returned, albeit warily._

"_Hello," he kept his voice soft, "I'm Jonah."_

_The woman nodded, "I'm Thera, just transferred from the mines."_

"_Ah, I arrived a couple of days ago from the mines too," Jonah nodded, "Did we know each other there?"_

_Thera looked confused, "I don't think so. Why?"_

"_You look familiar, that's all." Jonah tried not to feel disappointed._

"_Is that why you've been staring and following me around?" Thera asked dryly. She didn't seem concerned, perhaps a bit annoyed._

_Jonah felt a little guilty, "Sorry. Thought I could place you if I could get a good enough look at you." He felt a little stupid saying the words but Thera suddenly laughed._

"_You could have just asked me."_

"_I just did." Jonah protested._

_Thera smiled again, "I guess so."_

"_I am sorry if I worried you by the stalkerish behaviour."_

"_Stalkerish?" Thera looked confused again. Jonah liked seeing the expression on her face; her nose crinkled slightly and Jonah was momentarily distracted._

"_Ah you know. The staring and the following."_

"_Oh, it wasn't worrying me really," Thera shook her head, "I didn't get the same vibe from you as I do from that couple of creeps that seem to like me so much."_

_It was Jonah's turn to be confused, "Vibes?"_

"_Uh, I don't like the way the big tall guy and his little friend have been looking at me."_

"_Girold and Lukah," Jonah named the two men, "Is that why you cut your hair."_

_Thera touched her shorn locks self consciously, "Maybe."_

"_It doesn't help, you know."_

"_What?"_

"_You still look beautiful." Jonah watched, delighted when Thera blushed and he could see the redness flush her cheeks and neck._

"_What would you suggest I do then?" Thera asked._

"_Oh. Stick with me I guess," Jonah said lightly, hoping she would take the offer._

"_Really, that would scare them away would it?" Thera seemed doubtful._

"_Hey, I can be a scary guy." Jonah was slightly offended, did she not think he could take those two low lives? _

"_I'm sure you can be, but I'll be fine, I'm not looking for 'protection'," Thera said, her voice suddenly disapproving as she turned away._

_Jonah suddenly understood what she thought he had meant. She thought he wanted to 'own' her; some of the men had taken such roles, protecting a woman in exchange for sexual favours. Jonah was horrified she would think of him in those terms, but he supposed she really didn't know him._

"_I didn't mean like that," Jonah called her back softly, "I meant as friends."_

"_Friends?" Thera sounded disbelieving, but she had turned back to look at him._

"_Yeah, you know. I watch your back, you watch mine."_

_The delightful confused look appeared on her face and Jonah hurried to clarify._

"_It's just an expression."_

_To his relief, Thera laughed, "Okay, friends."_

_The lights went out and Jonah heard Thera get into her bed. He shifted around to his side and listened to her soft breathing. He smiled to himself, friends. He could do that._

***

The debriefing was long and Sam could feel the colonel's eyes on her nearly the entire time. She was frustrated; did he want everyone to know what had happened? It was bad enough Daniel and Teal'c knew; the way he was staring at her, the entire base would soon know how much closer they had gotten when their memories had been altered.

SG1 was ordered to remain on base overnight, not cleared for duty until they could all clear psych evaluation the following day. Sam grimaced, she hated psych evaluations, not one of the attending psychiatrists had once been through the gate, yet they had the power to deem you unfit for gate travel if they suspected you to not be coping. How could they understand the pressures if they had never been through the gate?

General Hammond made it clear though that they would not be allowed to assist in the relocation efforts until they were cleared. The refugees from the ice planet were being sent to the Alpha site until they could be relocated to another planet. Rather than flood Cheyenne mountain with them, Hammond was sending two SG teams and a group of medical personnel to assist the Alpha site to process their visitors.

Sam left the briefing room as soon as she was clear. Surprisingly Colonel O'Neill didn't follow her and she made it to the elevator in peace. Well, almost peace, Daniel squeezed through the doors before they shut and Sam smiled at him slightly; she hadn't spoken to him much at all since they returned.

"Weird isn't it." Daniel pressed the button leading to the level the personal quarters were on.

"What's weird?" Sam pressed the infirmary level. She wanted to know those results.

"Having another's memories in your head."

Sam shrugged, "I've kinda been there before Daniel." Jolinar had been over two years ago, yet she could still hear the echo of the dead Tok'ra sometimes.

"Yeah, guess so," Daniel said, "This is different though isn't it? It's not really like having another persons memories, more like having your own memories of yourself as a different person."

Sam wasn't sure Daniel was making sense but she agreed that it wasn't the same as having a symbiote, "It's not like Jolinar, no."

"We mostly kept out personalities and smarts. I mean, you kept your intelligence to hold down an engineering position, Teal'c was stoic as ever, I mixed with the locals like I usually do and even Jack seemed to keep his unique sense of humour." Daniel babbled away excitedly.

"I guess." Sam wasn't so enthusiastic. She didn't want to think too deeply about how much of Thera was Sam since that would lead to questioning how much of Jonah was Jack, and the knowledge of just how far Sam had fallen for her C.O.

Daniel seem to hear her lack of interest, "I mean we even kept some of the deeper stuff, like how you and Jack stuck together and…"

He stopped suddenly and Sam realized she must have been the one to moan softly when Daniel had mentioned his name. She shook herself and tried to focus on the buttons in front of her as the abrupt silence grew awkward.

"Sam, I'm sorry, I know that-"

Sam cut him off sharply, "No, you don't know Daniel."

The elevator doors opened on the infirmary level and Sam got out. She heard Daniel call her name but she just kept walking. She didn't want to discuss it with thecolonel, and she certainly didn't want to discuss with an eagerly analysing Daniel.

Janet was in her office when Sam knocked nervously.

"Come in Sam, close the door." Sam's stomach dropped when she heard Janet's tone.

Sam took a seat numbly as Janet picked up a report and handed it to her.

"I put a rush on the test," Janet didn't beat around the bush, "It's positive, you're pregnant."

Sam felt air rushing in her ears, black spots appearing on the report as Sam lost her focus. Her hand shook as she read the words through her narrowing vision that confirmed Janet's diagnosis. _HcG level 5, consistent with early pregnancy._

"Sam?" Janet's voice was worried, but it sounded distant like an echo and Sam couldn't answer her. She could only focus on one thing at the moment.

She was pregnant.

***


	4. Chapter 4

Author's note: For those who asked, this story is complete, I'm just taking my time posting so I ensure each part is polished and presentable ;) Thanks again to those leaving reviews, they spur me on to post faster, lol!

***

Chapter Four

_She didn't know how she'd done it, but Thera had managed to make at least three enemies on her first shift in section 23. She'd been assigned to a team and given her share of physical labour to do; when she'd been asked to go and clean down one of the large power generating devices, she went eagerly, looking forward to looking at the machine closely. _

_She'd stared for a moment at the machine, examining its outer structures, she was reaching out a hand to open the front latch to see what was inside when the sound of a woman clearing her throat made her yank her hand back._

"_I know you're new here, but don't touch the inside of the machine. One breakdown caused by inexperienced hands could create serious consequences." It was Kaegen; Thera recognized her from dinner service the night before. She hadn't given her any bread, and Thera had no idea why. The animosity that stared out the dark eyes confused her; she had barely said two words to the woman._

"_I'm sorry," Thera muttered and picked up her rag, lifting it to the surface of the machine. _

_Kaegen nodded and resumed her own work. Thera let her hands do the cleaning while her eyes catalogued the machine; it seemed simple enough, if only she could see inside she might be able to make it work faster. Even without being able to see its innards, Thera had ideas. She stared at the pressure gage, seeing it sit at the neutral level, she laid her hands on the machine and it was hot, extremely hot, and she could hear an unusual thump that came from inside. Worried, she called out to the foreman who was at that moment talking to Brenna._

"_Yahal?" the foreman walked towards her, an annoyed look on his face at being interrupted._

"_I think something is wrong with the machine."_

_The foreman glanced up at the pressure gage and shook his head, "Pressure's neutral, nothing is wrong."_

_Thera felt herself get annoyed as he turned away, back to Brenna, ignoring Thera's insistence. Brenna however did not ignore Thera, she moved forward and spoke to Thera directly._

"_Thera, what's wrong?"_

"_Something is wrong with the machine. It's extremely hot and is making an unusual sound."_

"_The pressure gage is neutral, Brenna," the foreman interrupted even as Brenna lifted a hand to touch the machine. She yanked her hand back from the heat._

"_It's hot!" Brenna was suddenly frantic, "Pressure gage must be broken."_

_The foreman lifted his own hand to the machine. He cursed then called out to two of the taller male workers to come and assist. Brenna pulled a protesting Thera away as the men worked to regulate the pressure. They managed just in time to prevent a rather catastrophic mechanical failure. The foreman, Yahal, walked up to both Brenna and Thera and looked Thera in the eyes, an apologetic look on his face, "I should have listened to you."_

_Thera just nodded, and schooled her voice to disguise the smug tone she wanted to use, "It is an honour to serve."_

"_Do you know much about machines Thera?" Brenna asked, now that the crises was over._

_Thera nodded, "I think I do. Well, I have a keen interest in them."_

"_You certainly have an instinct for them," Yahal muttered._

_Brenna nodded, "I'm assigning you to engineering and maintenance. Go now and report to Kessel over in section B. Yahal, I'll find someone to replace Thera."_

_Yahal nodded and just waved Thera away. Putting down her rag, Thera left the area, trying to ignore the penetrating eyes staring daggers into her back. Even as she turned the corner, Thera could still feel Kaegan's gaze._

_Section B was a quieter sector of the facility, housing the engineering and maintenance crew who fixed the various machines that ran the facility and kept their people alive. It was a small crew of only six, seven now, Thera added; she had met them on her tour of the sector yesterday, they were an all male crew but had seemed good enough._

_Thera could see the entranceway to section B ahead, she'd just about reached it when a hand reached out and pulled her into an alcove. A hand clamped over her mouth and she began to struggle as whoever it was clamped her arms down easily and pulled her against his chest. _

"_Hello my pretty thing." Thera recognized Girold's voice._

"_We saw you coming along and thought we'd give you a proper welcome to sector 23." Lukah approached out of the shadows and stood in front of them._

_Girold's hand wandered down her side and Thera flinched as he laughed, "Don't worry pretty, we'll take care of you."_

_Thera didn't give him a chance to move his hand any further. She launched her head back with a sharp snap, and heard a satisfying crunch as Girold's nose broke. Blood trickled down her neck as Girold let her go to grab at his face. Lukah rushed forward and Thera kicked him between his legs, he went down hard yelling loudly and cursing at Thera. She stepped over the weeping man and made a run for the entranceway to sector B. She was just about there when someone stepped out from the entrance and blocked her way. Propelled by momentum, Thera slammed into the figure sending them both to the ground._

_She didn't have time to even panic as the figure grabbed her arm, "Thera?"_

_Wired from the fight, Thera almost didn't recognize the voice, she had her other arm pulled back, ready to slam into his face when the voice called her name again, loudly, and Thera realized who she was attacking._

"_Jonah?"_

"_Yeah," he sounded a mix between concerned and amused._

"_What are you doing here?" Thera dropped her fist and gave a cautious glance behind her. She couldn't see Girold or Lukah, hidden as they were by the alcove._

"_Reporting a broken machine to Kessel," Jonah said, "What are you doing here?"_

"_I've been reassigned to section B." Thera was breathless and she felt tense as the adrenaline left her body. _

"_Any particular reason why you knocked me…" Jonah trailed off, "Thera you're bleeding!"_

_Thera startled slightly as Jonah reached out and touched his fingers to her neck, she grimaced as he pulled away and she saw the bright red blood on his fingers._

"_It's not my blood," Thera said almost numbly. _

"_Not your blood?" Jonah looked confused, "Thera, you're shaking what's…"_

_Jonah stopped again as he focused on the two figures that suddenly appeared behind Thera. He pushed her behind him hurriedly, as Girold and Lukah, one covered in blood, the other hunched over, growled at Thera._

"_Stay out of this Jonah," Lukah warned, "That pretty little thing owes us."_

"_She owes you nothing," Jonah said, his voice sounded cold._

"_Move out of the way," Girold's voice sounded nasally._

"_No." _

_Thera stepped forward, standing next to Jonah; she was not about to let him fight her battles for her._

"_It's okay, Jonah," Thera somehow found her strength again, "I do owe them." _

_Jonah saw the gleam in her eye and she nodded at him slightly. Lukah snarled and leapt forward, straight into Thera's elbow, it smashed into his face and he dropped to the ground, cursing. Girold, not having learned his lesson, rushed forward, he ducked Jonah's attempt to block him but tumbled to the ground when Thera delivered a resounding kick to his groin._

"_Now we're even," Thera said, satisfied that she had delivered the same blows to both men. _

"_What is going on out here?" An older man rushed out and saw the two writhing men on the ground, Thera and Jonah standing over them, "Oh my."_

"_It's alright Kessel," Jonah said, he smiled at Thera, "Thera here has it all under control."_

_***_

Janet kept a strong arm around Sam as she led her to a private room, and with some difficulty, helped her to lie down onto the bed. She hadn't said anything since being told she was pregnant, just stared in shock, seemingly not able to respond. Janet busied herself with checking the major's blood pressure and vitals. A little low, Janet noted, consistent with shock. She covered Sam with a blanket and rubbed a reassuring hand down her arm.

"Sam?"

Sam seemed to refocus in on Janet, "Oh God Janet. What am I going to do?"

Janet remained calm despite the high waves of panic that seemed to now be coming off Sam, "Is the father one of the workers being given refugee status at the Alpha site?"

Sam groaned and shook her head.

"Sam?"

"I can't do this Janet."

Janet had never seen Sam so distraught. She was worried about the conception of the pregnancy, had it been non consensual?

"Sam, were you attacked?"

To her surprise, Sam laughed bitterly, "No. It's not what you're thinking."

"Then who is the father Sam?"

"I can't tell you." Sam was adamant and Janet felt a cold feeling begin to spread in her stomach.

"Sam, why can't you tell me?"

"Are you going to report this?" Sam grabbed Janet's arm, ignoring Janet's question.

"You know I have to Sam. I won't let you go on missions while pregnant."

"Even if I have an abortion?"

Janet pressed her lips tightly together. She'd been in the military most of her adult life, and had guided enough career minded women through pregnancy termination. She had never thought Sam Carter would be one of those women.

"At the very least, General Hammond and Doctor Mackenzie will need to know. It has a bearing on your physical and mental fitness Sam."

"Will anyone else know?"

Janet paused, "Technically, Colonel O'Neill should be told. He is your direct C.O."

Sam's face blanched and Janet felt the cold feeling in her stomach spread as her suspicions grew. She'd been present during the zaytarc confessions. She was Sam's best friend; she knew the depth of feeling between the two officers was forbidden, but not once had they crossed the professional line. When their memories had been removed, so would all of the barriers to any relationship; had they given into the obviously strong mutual attraction? Janet suspected so.

Sam shook her head, "He can't know."

Janet sighed, she didn't agree with it but, "He hasn't been restored to active duty yet so he isn't your C.O. at the moment."

"So he doesn't have to be told?" Sam's eyes were alight with hope.

"No." Janet felt guilt settle in her stomach. She knew how much Colonel O'Neill loved kids, had seen him bond with Cassie and knew his past history with family. She knew, without a doubt, that he would support Sam with this pregnancy. If he was the father.

"Can we do the procedure today?"

Janet shook her head, shocked by how much Sam wanted this gone, "Tomorrow at the earliest. And I want you to talk to Mackenzie first."

"Janet _please_." Sam had not once used that pleading tone on her before and Janet felt her heart break a little for her friend.

"Okay, no Mackenzie. But it still has to be tomorrow."

Sam seemed to relax onto the bed, "Okay."

Janet backed away, hoping that if left to rest Sam would rethink her haste, "Stay in here tonight Sam. I'll make sure you're not disturbed."

"Thank you Janet." Sam sounded tired, she curled into a ball and closed her eyes. Janet gave her a worried look, barely recognizing the strong Major Sam Carter that she knew in this broken, despairing woman.

"Sam," Janet said softly from the door and Sam shifted slightly so she knew she could hear her, "I'm saying this as your friend, not your doctor. You need to speak to him."

Sam's body tensed and Janet had to strain to hear the harshly whispered words, "I can't. It's not right."

Her heart breaking, Janet left Sam in peace and returned to her office. Picking up the phone she dialled the familiar number, relaxing when her daughter picked up the phone and her voice soothed her ragged emotions.

"Hello?"

"Cassie, hi."

"Mom! Is there any news on SG1?" Cassie was anxious.

"Yes, Cass, they are all back."

"Are they all okay?"

"Yes Cassie. They are fine." Janet said, knowing she was lying. Sam Carter was not okay.

She let Cassie prattle on excitedly on hearing the news, not really hearing the words, just listening to the sound of her voice. She felt numb thinking of what she was going to do tomorrow, as she thought of her own daughter and the life they shared together. A life they both shared with Sam.

Janet hung the phone up not long after, promising Cassie to tell the team to come visit as soon as they were clear to leave the base. She closed her eyes and dropped her head into her hands, Sam's broken words echoing in her ears.

"_It's not right."_

***


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

***

_The main sleeping quarters were not exactly quiet at night. As soon as the lights went out, couples slipped into each other's beds and the sound of sex filled the air. On nights when Thera and Jonah did not escape to the alcove, Thera went to sleep with her hands covering her ears and her teeth clenched tightly._

_She hated the night time. It was dark and cold, and the small beds were not conductive to two people sleeping comfortably so she couldn't fall asleep listening to the sound of Jonah's heartbeat. The sounds of other people shifting on their cots, kissing and being hassled kept Thera awake long after Jonah had fallen asleep one night. _

_She shifted on her bunk, eyeing Jonah across the aisle as he seemed to sleep deeply despite her inability to get comfortable. Sighing, she closed her eyes and listened closely to the sounds of his breathing, blocking out all other sounds she could hear from the other workers. Slowly, she slipped into a light slumber, lulled by the rhythm of Jonah's breathing._

_She wasn't sure what woke her hours later, but when she glanced over at Jonah's bunk, she saw it was empty. She waited for him to come back from the privy, but as the minutes ticked over, Thera grew concerned. She got up quietly, and slipped into her shoes, grabbing her blankets, and navigated her way to their private alcove on a hunch, trying to find Jonah._

_She found him sitting slumped into the corner of their alcove. His knees were up and he was resting his head in his hands. His posture screamed tiredness and defeat._

"_Jonah?" she whispered, hurrying over to him, worried that he was hurt._

_He looked up at her voice and she could see he looked uninjured. No bruises marred his face, he looked tired though; dark shadows rested underneath his eyes, but Thera could see even darker shadows that disturbed her in his eyes. She curled up next to him and rested her head on his shoulder._

"_What's going on?"_

"_Couldn't sleep," Jonah muttered._

"_You seemed fine earlier," Thera said, confused._

"_Woke up," Jonah said bluntly._

_Thera sensed that Jonah didn't want to talk, but she was worried, "Jonah? Come on, talk to me."_

"_Thera." Jonah's voice held a warning tone._

_She sighed, "Is there anything I can do, then?"_

"_Yeah," Jonah said, more gently this time but with something dark in his voice she hadn't heard before._

"_What?" Thera looked up into his face. It was closer than she expected, he was hovering just over her own face. He looked at her with such raw passion in his eyes that Thera licked her lips in anticipation._

_Jonah groaned when he saw her tongue touch her lips. Reaching forward, he grasped her chin and guided her lips to his, kissing her with force as he claimed her lips. He pushed at her to lie down on the cold floor, reaching to hurriedly bunch the blanket into a ball to cushion her head on the hard surface without breaking the kiss. He spread his body over hers and Thera groaned as he settled his weight onto her. _

_Jonah finally broke the kiss and bracing himself on his hands, stared into her eyes as he panted above her, "Thera?" his voice was a plea and Thera nodded at the unspoken query. She gasped as he kissed her again and roughly pulled up her shirt, his hands fumbling at her breasts. _

_It was over quickly, but Thera was not left unsatisfied. Jonah, while he had not been his usual gentle self, had ensured she had come with him. Afterwards, Jonah helped her pull her clothes back on with gentle hands; it felt like he was apologising with every gentle stoke of his hands as he slid her shirt over her head. Thera wanted to tell him not to look so guilty. He had taken nothing from her she hadn't been willing to give. She was quietly thrilled at the change, to be truthful, although not boring, their sex had never before been quite that explosive._

_He pressed a soft kiss to her head and pulled her into a tight hug when they were both clothed, he opened his mouth to speak._

_Thera put her hand over his mouth, "Don't apologise."_

_Removing her hand she kissed him lightly on the lips. She was relieved to see that his eyes didn't look so shadowed anymore. He gave her a small smile then whispered, "Okay."_

_***_

Jack searched the lab, her quarters and the commissary in an attempt to find her, but it was evident Carter didn't want to be found. He banged loudly on Daniel's quarters, not even caring when the man opened the door blearily, clearly having been woken up.

"Is Carter with you?"

"What?" Daniel's voice was sleep slurred.

"Carter? Have you seen her?" the room was empty and Jack muttered, "Never mind."

He left the still befuddled Doctor Jackson standing alone in his room. Where could she be? She had high tailed it out of the briefing so quickly and he hadn't been able to find her since. It was nearly 2300, and Jack had to see her. They had to talk things through before speaking to the psychs tomorrow. It wasn't just knowing if she was pregnant or not, he just had to see her.

He missed her. Well that was not entirely true; Jonah missed Thera, but Jonah was Jack and Carter was Thera, so in truth Jack missed his 21C. He missed the taste of her lips, the softness of her skin and the sound of her gasping moan as she came with her strong legs wrapped tightly around his waist. Jack groaned hitting his fist against the wall, wincing as the rough wall tore his knuckles. He gazed at the blood and suddenly he knew where she was, feeling stupid he hadn't realized earlier.

The infirmary was quiet at night. They were working with a skeleton crew, as half had gone to the Alpha site to process the refugees. Yet still the nurse at the front desk stopped Jack as he walked in.

"Sir?"

"Uh." Jack wasn't sure what to say. He had to see her, but he knew how inappropriate it would sound. Carter's career was important, and not just to her.

The nurse spotted Jack's hand however and rolled her eyes, "I see you've hurt your hand."

She guided him over to a bed.

"Yeah, had an argument with the wall."

"Let me guess," the nurse said dryly, "The wall won."

She cleaned up his hand, and put a dressing on top. He had full movement and there was minimal swelling so she told him to return in the morning if he suspected it was broken. She warned him that she would be making sure he was followed up on. She advised him to take some ibuprofen, then walked back to the desk, muttering about airmen and testosterone.

Jack, seeing she was distracted by her notes, slipped down the corridor where the offices and private rooms were. He peeked into the rooms, finding either empty beds or the sleeping forms of his injured colleagues. Not one sleeping figure resembled that of Carter. He reached the final door and had his hand on the doorknob when a harsh whisper stopped him.

"Colonel." The pint sized Janet Frasier was staring at him down the corridor, and despite himself, Jack flinched and pulled his hand from the doorknob.

"I just want to talk to her," Jack said quietly. She must know, Jack decided, she had a resigned look on her face that Jack could recognize in his own.

"She doesn't want to talk to you."

"Janet." Colonel O'Neill was not an overly emotional man, there were few people who had seen him at his worst, and Janet Frasier was one of them. There was no real injuries, no excruciating physical pain, just the rawness of such deep despair that Jack knew it showed on his face.

Janet sighed, "She's upset, and confused. Please don't make it worse."

"I won't hurt her."

Janet gave him a strange look, "I hope she doesn't hurt you."

She turned away and disappeared into her office. Jack returned his hand to the doorknob, turning it slowly and slipping into the room quietly. Whatever he had been expecting, it definitely wasn't what met his eyes as he sought out her lonely figure in the room.

Jack's mouth dropped open.

***


	6. Chapter 6

***

Chapter Six

"_What do you think about Karlin?" Thera asked. They were alone, in their small alcove, and Thera suddenly felt as though her world was about to tip upside down. All three of them had the same feeling, like they didn't belong, that they should be doing something different. Despite not sharing the same dreams, Thera knew Jonah was involved too, she remembered him asking when they first met if they had known each other before in the mines. Thera knew now that they had known each other previously, just not in the mines; she didn't know how but they were connected. _

"_I think he should keep his eyes off my girl," Jonah's voice was light. _

"_Your girl." Thera pulled away pretending to be offended, "I'm nobody's girl."_

_Jonah laughed, "I think everybody knew that when you made sure Girold and Lukah have identical ugly noses and permanent boot marks on their balls."_

_Thera smiled, "Consider yourself warned."_

"_Mmmm," Jonah said, burying his face in her hair and breathing in her warm scent. Thera shivered, feeling his breath tickle her skin sending goosebumps rush down her arms._

"_Seriously Jonah, what do you think of Karlin? And this whole thing?"_

_Jonah pulled his face away from her hair and sighed, obviously realizing she wasn't going to let it go, "I think we need more information."_

"_And?" Thera knew him too well._

"_And I think we need to be careful," Jonah said._

"_Of Karlin?"_

"_Of everybody," Jonah said, "If our memories have been altered, who knows who's really in on it. Who people really are. We need to watch ourselves; until we know more I won't risk losing you until we have a plan."_

_Thera smiled, feeling warmth spread through her at his words, "I thought you knew I could take of myself."_

"_Oh you can," Jonah said, pressing kisses into her neck, "But it's good for my manly image if you pretend, every once in awhile, that I look out for you."_

_Thera sighed as Jonah continued to places teasing kisses on her neck, "Okay."_

_As he continued to caress her softly with his lips for a long moment, Thera let her eyes shut lazily and her breathing deepened. A thought passed through her mind before she could really give in to his soft kisses._

"_Jonah?"_

"_Mmmm?"_

"_What if we aren't who you think we are?" Thera asked, "What if we're related in this other life?"_

_Jonah pulled away abruptly, but Thera didn't see fear or disgust in his eyes; he seemed to be smiling at her._

"_What?"_

"_Trust me, we are not related."_

"_How do you know?"_

"_Those feelings that I remember?" Jonah said, "No way in hell are those for a family member."_

_Thera smiled, "Really, what do you mean?"_

"_Let me show you," he growled and captured her lips in a searing kiss._

_***_

The room was quiet and dark but Sam couldn't sleep. It was too quiet; she longed for company, for the sound of Jonah's even breathing lulling her to sleep. Instead all she had was silence, and the uncomfortable knowledge that she truly wasn't alone. A baby, a life, grew inside her. Sam turned over on the bed, trying to block out the thought. She couldn't have a baby, it wasn't hers to have. If she'd stayed on that planet, she would have had a termination anyway, there was no way she would be allowed to have the baby, it would just be another mouth to feed in an already struggling population.

_That isn't the case now._

Sam couldn't help but disagree with the voice in her mind. A baby was just as forbidden here as it was back under the ice. The entire relationship Thera had shared with Jonah was not allowed, the entire thing had to be kept secret. It would ruin her career, and his; Sam wasn't arrogant, but she knew just how important both her and the colonel's involvement was at the SGC. They had been instrumental in saving the world on a number of occasions. Who knew what would happen if they weren't around.

_It's your career you're worried about?_

Jack's words came back to her. Was it just about the rules? Sam ran a hand over her still flat stomach. She didn't even know how far along she was. She closed her eyes and thought of the small brown-eyed boy she had imagined as Thera. She would give that up, the chance to be mom, for her career? Sam knew it sounded cold and callous, but her career was all she'd had for so long. Giving it up would mean she would have nothing; no achievements to fall back on, no science to lose herself in, no more discoveries to be made. No, not nothing, she'd have a baby. A child; to nurture, to help develop, to guide and cherish and love.

She wasn't sure she had it in her. To be a mother, to be solely responsible for a single life, to love someone unconditionally and be forever tied to them. It just wasn't how she had lived her life; she had always been single and independent. The few relationships she had had had always been one-sided and eventually fell by the wayside to her career. Even her family had never been close, oh she loved her dad, and their relationship was much better since he'd taken Selmak, but he was on the other side of the galaxy, she would never be able to discuss this with him.

She could barely remember her own mom sometimes. She'd forgotten the sound of her voice and sometimes she worried that the memories she had came more from her own imagination and photographs than they did from actual circumstance. Perhaps her mom's early death had damaged her somehow, maybe that was why Sam didn't want this baby, didn't feel like she deserved it.

Sam got up and sat on the side of the bed. She dropped her head into her palms and gave into the tears that suddenly pressed up against her throat, making it hard to for her to breathe. She didn't know how long she sat like that before she heard the voices in the corridor. She crept forward, only hearing snippets of conversation.

"_She's upset, and confused. Please don't make it worse."_

"_I won't hurt her." _

"_I hope she doesn't hurt you."_

Sam stumbled back away from the door. She felt as if she'd just been slapped. Janet thought she was going to hurt Jack? She would never hurt Jack, he was everything to her. Even if she would only admit that in the privacy of her own mind.

_You keep pushing him away. _The words sounded harsh in her head, _If you take away his baby, that will hurt him. You will hurt him._

Sam dropped to her knees and sobbed. She couldn't do it. She couldn't have this baby, but she couldn't have an abortion. What was she meant to do?

The door opened and Sam looked up from the floor, still sobbing, into Jack's shocked eyes. His mouth dropped open and he froze in shock at seeing the usually strong woman, his always dependable 2IC, seemingly crushed underneath the weight of desolate emotion. Her face, wet with tears and red from being pressed with desperate hands was almost unrecognisable in the pure agony that seemed to emanate from her whole being. Jack forced away the shock and Sam found herself enveloped in the familiar comfort of his arms.

She clutched onto him tightly, "I don't know what to do."

"Shhh, it's okay. We'll figure it out."

"I can't have this baby."

He stiffened and Sam realized she had just confirmed his suspicions, while simultaneously destroying any hope he had for a child. She clutched at him before he could pull away.

"But I can't have an abortion."

Jack sighed and Sam only felt relief when he pulled her closer into his chest. It felt wrong; she shouldn't be seeking comfort in the arms of her C.O., but right at that moment, it wasn't Sam in Jack's arms. It was Thera, being comforted by her lover, Jonah.

Her sobs slowed and she pulled away from him, feeling herself slowly return back into her military self. Jack seemed to sense ittooand he withdrew his arms, only touching her again to help her into the bed.

"We'll figure it out, Carter." Jack's words were soft and Sam wanted to believe him, but her head screamed that it couldn't be done, "Don't do anything until we talk about this. Promise me?"

She trusted him with her life, he had done more for her than anyone on this planet, or any other planet had done. She could promise him that she'd wait, "Okay, I promise."

"Good." Jack seemed to deflate as some of the tension left his body.

"We can't be them," Sam said, feeling exhaustion and the events of the day pulling her towards sleep, "We can't be Jonah, Thera and baby. Not on Earth."

She closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep, she didn't hear Jack whisper quietly.

"No, but we could be Jack, Sam and kid."

Pressing a gentle kiss to her head. Jack left the room determined to find a way to make this right.

***


	7. Chapter 7

***

Chapter Seven

_When Thera had agreed to be friends with Jonah, she'd had no idea what exactly it would involve. So after three days of friendship, she realized that Jonah was a warm, funny and caring man whose company she actually enjoyed. A lot. She was slightly concerned by some of the feelings she was beginning to notice between them. She was starting to wish she hadn't cut her hair, but Jonah still seemed to think she was pretty. She wasn't sure why that mattered to her. _

_She was sitting, writing equations in the dust on the floor, when Jonah sat down next to her. It was break time and when Jonah handed her a small piece of flat bread, she smiled at him in thanks._

"_What are you doing?__"_

"_Calculations. I think I can increase efficiency by 18%, maybe more. It all depends on the amount of energy we need combined with the speed of -__"_

"_Ah!__"__ Jonah held up his hand, __"__You're geeking out. Got it.__"_

"_Geeking out?__"_

"_It__'__s an expression.__"_

"_A bad one.__"_

_Jonah shrugged, "Why are you writing this in the dust."_

_Thera sighed, wishing for about the hundredth time that her people were not currently stuck in an ice age, "Paper shortages. Kessell is a great section leader, but he just doesn't have the resources I need to do the equations. I need paper, but all I can use is this dust on the floor."_

_Jonah nodded, and Thera scrubbed out the calculations as the bell rang to get back to work._

"_Thera?__"_

"_Yeah?__"__  
_

"_Eat your bread.__"_

_Thera smiled and shoved the forgotten bread into her mouth. "Satisfied?" her words were slightly garbled as she spoke over the bread shoved into her mouth._

_Jonah laughed, "Very."_

_Later that night when Thera got to her bunk, she found something waiting on top. It was a notebook. Precious paper, bound together by wire. She looked around for Jonah; only he could have known, only he could have gotten this for her. He approached her down the aisle and Thera, forgetting for a moment where she was, hugged him tightly._

"_Thank you.__"__ She pulled away to look at him and their faces were so close together that all it would take was for Thera to lift her face slightly and press her lips to his. She stared into his eyes for a moment, her mouth going dry. She wanted to kiss him, oh how she wanted to kiss him._

_Somebody stumbled into the bunk beside hers, the loud scrape of metal broke the atmosphere and Thera pulled away reluctantly, "Thank you," she repeated._

"_It was nothing.__"_

"_No it wasn__'t," Th__era said, __"__What did you give up for this?__"_

"_Nothing important.__"_

_Thera looked at him in disbelief, but she was so overjoyed to have her paper that she forgot that he must have done something rather special to get her this gift. He must have gone out of his way to make sure she got what she wanted._

_The next day at break time, Jonah brought her her piece of bread. Busy scribbling into her precious notebook, Thera almost didn't notice that Jonah had no bread for himself. Almost. Putting down the notebook, Thera sat closer to him and handed him the bread._

"_It__'__s not worth starving over.__"_

"_It__'__s just the bread on break. I__'__m hardly going to starve.__"__ He handed her back the bread and Thera huffed in frustration._

"_You shouldn__'__t do this for me.__"__ Thera snapped the bread in half unevenly. Which was difficult given how stale it was. She gave him a half, the bigger half._

_Jonah sighed, "I want to do this for you." He swapped the half he held in his hand with hers so that she got the bigger share. Then he stuffed his piece into his mouth and spoke with his mouth full, "Satisfied?"_

_Thera shrugged, giving in and shoving her own piece in her mouth, "Very."_

***

General Hammond scrawled his signature on the final form he had to sign for the day. Glancing at the clock, he grimaced; it was almost midnight, not that long days at work were unusual for the general of a base that provided an intergalactic space defence. He shoved the final forms into his outbox for Walter to collect in the morning and sighed, relaxing into his chair. At this late hour, he may as well stay on base, he had to be back on duty at 0800 anyway, and he should be here at 0700 to ensure everything ran smoothly for the refugee relocation.

The long day had been worth it, however; SG1 was back, safe and well. After a harrowing experience, but one that was surely recoverable. He had a meeting tomorrow morning with Doctor Frasier to discuss SG1's results in more detail, but he was relieved that the worst was over. They were alive, and they were back on Earth, anything else could be dealt with.

George was just about to get up and head to his private quarters when a knock at the door halted his progress. He sighed; a general's work was never done.'

"Enter."

A tired-looking Colonel O'Neill opened the door, "General."

"Colonel, shouldn't you be resting." He motioned for him to take the seat in front of his desk. When he dropped into the chair like his strings had been cut, George felt uneasy. Maybe his relief over SG1's return was a little too early.

"We have a problem general."

"A problem?" That couldn't be good. Not when Jack's tone sounded so troubled.

"Actually it's Carter and myself that have a problem."

George Hammond was an observant man. He had seen the attraction between the two officers, read the zaytarc reports and kept a watchful eye on the two members of his command that he liked immensely. He had made it clear to the colonel that, provided there was no breaking of the rules, some unresolved emotion was nothing that two adults couldn't handle. He trusted that O'Neill had passed that onto Major Carter. Now, as he looked at the despaired look on Jack's face, he wondered if keeping the team together had been the right decision.

"What type of problem?" George asked, although he had a fair idea.

"When we were on that planet, we grew closer than we should have," Jack said, his voice was hesitant, "A lot closer than we should have."

George frowned, "Okay. You had no knowledge that it was against the rules, if I'm to understand how this memory stamp worked?"

"We didn't even know our own names, sir."

"And you're worried about what will happen if, or when this comes out?" George guessed.

"That's part of it, general."

"Jack," George used his first name since this was not really a conversation for ranks, "Provided you and Sam can return to your previous working relationship, I see no reason to punish you for this. Or let it become public knowledge."

Jack nodded, "I assumed as much."

"I appreciate your informing me though Jack," Hammond said evenly, "I know that this is not an easy situation to discuss."

"That's not all there is to it, general."

George frowned, "There's more?"

"Carter's pregnant."

Hammond's mind when blank for a moment before he processed exactly just what Jack had said. He thought of Jacob Carter's little girl, the young woman she'd become and the stellar military career she had worked so hard to achieve. A pregnancy would slow her down for sure, but that was if the pregnancy was not related to Jack O'Neill. A baby with her commanding officer would do more than just slow down her career; it could end it.

George couldn't help but think of Jack in this. He had not known the man before the Stargate program, but he knew just how much his son had meant to him. It was common knowledge that Jack loved kids, and the cruelty of having his son taken away had left the man with unimaginable scars. He wasn't sure whether Jack would embrace this as a chance for another child, or feel as though he wasn't ready to be involved in another's life. Jack was an honourable man however, and George could not see him abandoning his own child.

All Hammond could say was, "I see, has Major Carter decided anything?"

He could see Jack tense, "No."

"Jack?" It seemed to George that he wasn't entirely telling the truth.

"I think she's leaning towards an abortion, general," Jack's voice was tightly controlled, "But it's been less than a day. She needs time… and options."

George knew Sam Carter was an analytical woman. She would weigh her options and choose the one with the best outcome, and she was rarely, if ever, wrong. To hear that she had made such a hasty decision alarmed him somewhat.

"I need your help, general," Jack's voice was losing some of its control, "I need to figure out some other option."

George nodded, "Okay. I can help you with that, but I need some more time."

Jack nodded, "Okay, but Carter's on edge, sir. This is harder to deal with than I think she thought it would be." Jack's eyes weren't focused, he seemed to be remembering something and Hammond wasn't sure he needed to know what it was.

The image of a distressed Sam Carter was not one George wanted to picture, "Alright Jack, go and get some rest. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Yes sir." Jack got up slowly, "And sir?"

"Yes?"

"I'm willing to do whatever it takes for this to work out." He seemed to pause, "Carter… her career is important to her but I…"

"I know Jack." George understood what Jack was trying to say, it wasn't that Sam Carter was uncaring, but her career was important to her, it was important to a lot of people, but a baby might change her mind on that, "Go and get some rest."

"Thank you George. And I mean that."

George watch as Jack left his office. His heart felt heavy and he wasn't sure where to even start. However, Jack O'Neill and Sam Carter had saved the world, and his own life, numerous times; he owed it to them to at least try to solve this for them.

***


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

***

_Jonah made sure that he sat next to Thera at every meal break, he did his best to make her laugh and tried to keep the less desirable workers away from her, without her realizing it. He enjoyed her company, and he was pretty sure she liked his too. Or at least she seemed to laugh at his jokes an awful lot, seeming to find them genuinely funny when no one else around was laughing. They were friends, nothing else, and although Jonah definitely wanted to hint at something further with Thera, she seemed to balk away whenever they got too close. He wasn__'__t going to scare her away, not now that she trusted him._

_They were sitting on his bed, just before lights out, Thera was sitting crosslegged scratching in her notebook while Jonah sat, his legs hanging off the edge, watching her work restlessly. She was beautiful when she worked, she got a cute little frown line in her forehead and she bit her lip in a way that Jonah found enticing. Every now and then she muttered to herself, rolled her eyes or hit herself on the head gently. Jonah let a soft smile form on his face; she was the best thing to happen to him, he couldn__'__t remember ever being so happy._

_Thera glanced up at him and, seeing his intent gaze on her, she shifted, __"__Jonah, what is it?__"_

"_Nothing,__"__ Jonah said, swinging his legs around to straddle the bed, so he was facing her, __"__Just watching you work.__"_

_Thera closed her notebook and slid it behind her, inching closer and smacking him on the arm playfully, __"__Sorry, didn__'__t mean to be boring, what do you want to do?__"_

"_You__'__re not boring,__"__ Jonah__'__s voice was warm, __"__You__'__re beautiful when you work.__"_

_Thera blushed. Jonah loved making her blush, he didn__'__t understand how she couldn__'__t see how beautiful she was. She never seemed to believe him when he told her._

"_You need to get a hobby Jonah.__"__ Thera shook off her embarrassment, her voice amused._

"_Hobby?__"_

"_Yeah, go spend time in the rec area or something,__"__ Thera suggested. The rec area housed some old sporting equipment and games that Jonah had found unsatisfying and utterly mind numbing. He couldn__'__t think of a worse place to spend his limited free time._

"_You don__'__t want me here?__"__ Jonah asked her, worried that her teasing might be because she was sick of his constant presence and the lightness in her voice a cover._

"_Of course I want you here,__"__ Thera said, and he could hear in her voice that she meant it, __"__I just don__'__t want you to be bored. You spend all your time watching me work.__"_

_Jonah smiled in relief, __"__Not boring, at all.__"_

"_Okay,__"__ Thera said. Her voice was tinged with disbelief but she was smiling, __"__So you really don__'__t want to do anything else?__"_

_Jonah shrugged, __"__What else is there to do?__"__ he held up his hand when she opened her mouth, __"__Not the rec room.__"_

_Thera glanced around at the other workers, __"__What do the others do before lights out?__"_

_Jonah looked at the other bunks, some of the workers were already buried under their blankets, asleep. Some were empty, their inhabitants spending time either in the rec or dining room. Most of the remaining workers were converged in pairs and were lying intimately with each other on their bunks. Mostly kissing, and touching; the main event was generally saved for lights out. Although Jonah couldn__'__t see the pleasure in making love on the bunks; the tiny, hard cots were not conductive to intimacy. He glanced over at Thera and saw that she too had noticed the activities of their fellow workers and was blushing again. _

"_Maybe you should finish your notes?__"__ he suggested lightly. _

_Thera looked at him, distracted for a moment before she nodded and picked her notebook back up again. _"_Why do you like watching me?__"__ she asked quietly._

"_I don__'__t know,__"__ Jonah said. It was the truth; aside from how gorgeous she was, he liked to watch her just __…__ because. He couldn__'__t explain it, __"__I just do. It feels right__"_

_Thera dropped the notebook down to the bed and grabbed Jonah__'__s startled face in her hands, pressing her lips to his. Jonah__'__s brain took a second to catch up with what his body was doing, but he managed to slide his arms around her back to support her awkward stance and kiss her back enthusiastically. Thera was kissing him! He brushed his tongue against her lips and felt her open her mouth hesitantly and tease his own lips with her tongue. Groaning, Jonah slid one of his hands up to her waist, pausing just before he reached the side of her breast. They continued to kiss, growing more passionate and more intense as the minutes went on. Jonah laid back on the bunk, pulling her on top of him in a more comfortable position. Thera responded eagerly, breaking the kiss and trailing hot wet kisses down the side of his neck before moving back up again and claiming his lips. Jonah for his part wasn__'__t idle, he slid his hands underneath her top, moaning as he finally felt the soft skin of her back._

"_Ahem.__"__ Kaegan__'__s annoyed voice broke their embrace. Jonah glanced up in time to see her disgusted face before she quickly moved past the bunk. Jonah turned back to Thera, who was now frozen on top of him, a look of horror on her face._

"_Thera?__"__ he kept his voice soft._

_She looked at him and Jonah could see panic welling in her eyes, __"__I can__'__t __…__ We can__'__t do this.__"_

_She climbed off him quickly and disappeared down the aisle, practically running towards the bathrooms, to escape. Jonah felt a heavy weight settle like lead in his stomach as he watched her go. He__'__d just messed up the only good thing he had ever had._

_***_

Sam felt calmer when she woke, almost like she was looking at everything from outside her body. She felt that she could at least think rationally, that she could somewhat separate her emotions from the decision she had to make. Not that this wasn't an emotional decision, but Sam needed to feel in control; the heavy emotions of the last day had stripped her of that control she craved and she wanted to step back and take a fresh perspective.

She wasn't going to have an abortion, not until she had thought everything through and decided on the best course of action to take. Sam took a deep, calming breath, determined to at least eat some breakfast before she tackled the deeper thoughts of her pregnancy. She knew that some time today she would need to talk to Colonel O'Neill; he was involved, as much as she wished she could make this decision on her own, remembering that the look on his face last night had driven home his stance on the issue.

_Don__'__t be afraid to come to me._

She wasn't afraid to go to him, but it was not exactly conducive to the regulations to be having her commanding officer's baby. Jonah had meant everything to her, and she missed him terribly. However Jack was not Jonah, he couldn't be. As much as a deep part of herself wanted him to be, she had to face what her situation was. She was Major Carter, and although Jonah had loved Thera, Colonel O'Neill had never loved Sam. Sure, there had been hints of deeper feelings beyond their friendship, but to Sam, they had not yet developed into the all encompassing love she had felt for Jonah. Now, complicated as it was, Sam's feelings for Jonah were mixing with those she had for Colonel O'Neill. When she thought of his face, she saw Jonah's and felt the strong rush of love and emotion she felt when she was with him.

The problem was that she wasn't sure that Jack felt the same. She didn't know if his feelings for Thera had mixed with his feelings for her and developed them into something more. And she was too afraid to ask, not sure she would like the answer; what if he didn't love her like she did him?

She knew he wanted the baby, it had been written clearly on his face, but did he want her too? Did he want a family, or did he just want the child she carried? Sam wasn't sure, but her time was running short and she was going to have to ask him if she was to make this decision.

"Good morning Sam," Janet entered the room with a tray of breakfast, "I brought you some food."

"Thanks," Sam smiled at Janet tentatively, wondering how she could tell her that she had changed her mind about the termination, "I umm, about today…"

"I haven't scheduled anything in," Janet's voice was completely non-judgemental, "How about you start with breakfast and then we can have a chat later."

Sam smiled in relief, "Thanks Janet."

Janet placed the tray down on the small trolley by Sam's bed and took Sam's hand in warm grip, "Despite what you might be telling yourself, you are not alone in this."

Sam felt tears clog her throat and nodded, "Thanks."

"Now eat up," Janet said, "Cassie sends her love."

Sam nodded thinking of the teenage girl with the beautiful smile, "I miss Cassie."

"She missed you," Janet said, "We all did."

***


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

_***_

_Thera made it to the bathrooms just as the lights shut off. She slumped down onto an empty bench, shivering in reaction, closing her eyes tightly and trying to forget the image of Jonah__'__s pained face as she had run away. _

_What had she done? She__'__d just lost the best friend she had. The best thing she had._

_She wasn__'__t sure why she had kissed him, but seeing his adorable face as he admitted that it just felt right watching her had struck a chord inside her. She'd reached out to him almost in instinct, wanting to kiss him so badly that it had hurt. It had been wonderful, she__'__d lost herself in his warm arms and soft lips, she could still taste him on her tongue and smell him on her skin._

_It had only been when Kaegan had interrupted them that Thera had noticed the feeling that what they had been doing was wrong. Very wrong. She wasn__'__t even sure why, but all of a sudden she knew that being so close to Jonah wasn__'__t right, and she'd bolted._

_She pressed a trembling hand to her mouth, trying to hold back the tears that wanted to fall. She__'__d run away, she was the one to start everything and then left him alone and ran away. What kind of a person did that?_

"_Thera?__"_

_She started softly at the sound of Jonah__'__s voice and the quiet knock on the entrance. She didn__'__t answer, not sure what she could say to make it better between them. When she didn__'__t respond, Jonah put his head around the door, eyes half closed as he sought her out. When he realized she was the only one in the room, he stepped inside fully, letting the door close softly behind him._

_There was one light left on in the bathrooms after lights out. Thera hoped the relative darkness would hide her face, burning in shame and regret, from Jonah__'__s eyes._

"_Are you okay?__"__ Jonah didn__'__t sound mad. Thera thought he must be hiding it._

"_I__'__m fine.__"__ She tried to hide the tears in her voice, but even to her ears she sounded shaky and scared._

_Jonah sat down on the bench next to her, leaving plenty of space between them. Thera still couldn__'__t look at his face, instead she concentrated on the floor._

"_You__'__re not okay.__"__ His voice still sounded soft and tender, not at all what she was expecting._

_Thera just shook her head, __"__No,__"__ she paused, __"__Are you okay?__"_

"_I__'__m not mad if that__'__s what your thinking,__"__ Jonah said truthfully, he knew her too well, __"__I__'__m worried about why you ran away. You have to know I wouldn__'__t do anything you didn__'__t want.__"_

_Thera closed her eyes; he was a much better man than she deserved, __"__All of a sudden it felt like it was too much.__"__ It had felt wrong, against the rules, but she didn__'__t say that, __"__I__'__m sorry.__"_

"_Don__'__t be sorry,__"__ Jonah said. He reached out a hand to touch her, but pulled back, putting it limply to his side, __"__What aren__'__t you telling me?__"_

_He really did know her too well. Thera wasn__'__t sure how to tell him, __"__For a second I felt like I was doing something wrong__…"_

"_Worker__'__s are allowed partners Thera,__"__ Jonah said, __"__Almost everyone has one.__"__ But us, his unspoken words echoed between them._

"_I don__'__t think it was that__…"__ Thera felt like there was something on the edge of her memory that she couldn__'__t quite grasp. Like her feelings were related to something else entirely. _

"_Do you not want this Thera?__"__ Jonah asked, __"__We can still be friends can__'__t we?__"_

_Thera looked up into his face, hearing the soft pain in his voice, the sacrifice he was willing to make so they could still be friends. She knew what he wanted; he may not have said it aloud, but he had burned it into her skin with every touch of his lips. And the looks he gave her were not the looks shared between friends. Looking into his face, Thera knew that she wanted to be with him. She always had. Something still felt like it was wrong but she ignored it._

"_I do want this,__"__ Thera said, she reached out her hand and grasped his, __"__I guess maybe I just freaked out a little, that__'__s all.__"_

"_Freaked out?__"__ Jonah looked hopeful, __"__Are you saying..?__"_

"_Yeah, I__'__m saying__…"__ Thera pulled his face down to hers and kissed him lightly, pulling away before the kiss could deepen, __"__But maybe we could go a little slow for awhile.__"_

"_Anything you want Thera,__"__ Jonah kissed the top of her head and pulled her into a warm hug, __"__Anything.__"_

_***_

Janet entered General Hammond's office and closed the door, surprised to find that they were the only two present for the meeting about SG1's return.

"Where is Doctor Mackenzie sir?" Janet asked after the lead psychiatrist. They didn't see eye to eye, but Janet grudgingly accepted him as being a contributor to the SGC.

"I've postponed the psychiatric evaluations. This is a private meeting, Janet," Janet raised her eyebrows at the use of her first name, "Take a seat."

"Are we still here to discuss SG1?" Janet asked, confused. General Hammond rarely held private conferences in his office. That she knew of anyway.

"Yes, part of SG1. I got a late night visit from Colonel O'Neill." The General's voice was hesitant and Janet felt her stomach drop. He already knew, and by the shadows beneath his eyes and the haggard look on his face, Janet guessed he had been told everything.

"I see," Janet shifted, "What did he want to discuss sir?"

General Hammond gave her a shrewd look, "He informed me that he and Major Carter had an intimate relationship when they were not themselves. And that Sam is pregnant." Hammond's voice softened on the last sentence and Janet could see the concern he held for the two officers. He was a good commanding officer, he didn't play favourites, but Janet knew that he had more to do with SG1 than any other team. They were his flagship team and he was proud of them.

"Yes sir," Janet nodded, "That's what I was informed of as well, by Major Carter." She hadn't admitted in so many words as to O'Neill's involvement, but Janet didn't need it spelt out for her.

"Jack came to me last night and asked if I could find them options," Hammond's voice lowered, "He mentioned Major Carter was considering an abortion."

Janet grimaced. Whatever Jack had said to Sam in the room last night, it had changed Sam's mind. Whether it had been the good night's rest, finally regaining all of her memories, or her confrontation with the colonel, Janet wasn't sure. But this morning when she had brought Sam breakfast, Sam had been in control, and had changed her mind about her hasty decision.

"Major Carter hasn't made a formal decision as of yet, sir," Janet said, trying to pick her words carefully.

"Janet, please, this isn't an official discussion." It was George who was asking her, not the General, and Janet knew she could tell him.

"Sam is scared sir. Part if it's the regulations, but I think most has to do with her relationship with the colonel. Pregnancy was not something Sam considered before this incident, it's been a shock to her and I think she defaulted to what she knew best to deal with that shock; the rules." Janet thought that Sam had completely blocked out the part of her that wanted the baby, instead focusing on the only part of herself that she understood, her military self. It was possibly the only part of herself that hadn't been a large part of the more free Thera.

Hammond nodded, "I have some options for both Sam and Jack to consider. Not ideal, but I won't punish them for what they did when they didn't know who they were."

"Does this mean they are going to be free to pursue a relationship sir?" Janet asked, thinking that even if she was given the option, Sam might not take it. Not when so much was changing in her life at the present.

"That will be up to them to decide," Hammond said, "If Sam wants to keep the baby, I will have to remove her from active field status, transfer her to the labs. She's too much of an invaluable member of this command to lose."

"And the colonel?"

"Jack will be allowed to stay on the team if he chooses," George gave her a long look, "You know his history with Charlie, I'm not sure he would stay if given a second chance to have a child."

"Yes sir." Janet knew the colonel loved kids; he would undoubtedly give up his career to have his own again.

"However, if Major Carter decides to have the abortion," Hammond looked uncomfortable, "I will probably transfer her from SG1."

"General?"

"Can you really see Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter being able to work together afterwards Janet… honestly? Jack is no saint," Hammond said truthfully, and Janet agreed. They wouldn't be able to be on the same team, it wasn't fair to either of them.

"Yes," Janet paused, "You seem to have thought all the decisions out sir, what do you need me for?"

"I'm going to tell Jack his options," Hammond said, "Whether or not they raise a child together, do it as friends or don't have one at all is their decision. But there is no decision where Major Carter can remain a part of SG1."

Janet nodded, "I understand sir"

"I tried to find another way…" George sighed, "If there hadn't been a pregnancy in the first place, I would have been willing to overlook their relationship and keep the team together."

"You want me to tell Major Carter sir?" Janet guessed that that was why she was here, not just to be a sounding board but to tell Sam she was no longer going to be on SG1. Janet wasn't sure giving her the consolation prize of a relationship with Jack and a baby would be enough; she wasn't sure Sam was ready to deal with this, even with her newfound control this morning. As calm as Sam had appeared, Janet knew that she had not dealt with the wider considerations that having a baby would bring to her life, both the good and the bad.

"Yes," George sighed, "I don't think I am the best one to tell her. I will talk with her later, but Janet… it will be better coming from you than myself or even Jack… or rather, especially Jack."

"You're worried she'll blame him?" Janet guessed.

"I don't mind if she blames me," Hammond said dryly, "But Jack doesn't deserve to be the bad guy."

Janet winced, that meant she was the bad guy, "No sir."

"I'm sorry Janet, if you'd rather I do it…"

"No sir," Janet shook her head, "I'd rather do this myself."

"Okay," General Hammond nodded, "I have told Jack I'll meet him in an hour."

"I'll tell Sam at the same time," Janet paused, "Can I have permission to take her off base?"

Hammond nodded, "I'll clear it with the gate."

"Thank you sir," Janet stood up, she stopped in front of his desk and said quietly "She isn't going to hate you for this sir."

"Sam Carter has a stellar career Janet," George said, "I hate to have to take that away from her."

Janet thought of Cassandra, of having a loving child to come home to at night, "You'll be giving her much more in return sir."

"I'm not sure she'll see it that way."

"Maybe not now sir," Janet said knowing that it was probably true, "But she will."

General Hammond nodded, "Good luck Janet."

"You too sir."

***


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

***

_Thera was adjusting the tension controls in one of the machines in sector D when a hand brushed against her back. Flinching, she gripped the wrench in her hand tightly and spun around, improvised weapon ready to attack the person standing behind her. She relaxed when she recognized Jonah__'__s easy grin staring back at her. He put a fingertip on the still-raised wrench in her hand and pushed it down._

"_Is it always your first instinct to attack?__"__ he asked lightly._

"_Maybe,__"__ Thera muttered, she always felt wound tight, almost like her body was expecting something to happen; she seemed to always be on the lookout for danger, but she wasn__'__t entirely sure why, __"__What are you doing here?__"_

"_Oh, just stopped by to ask you a question,__"__ Jonah plucked the wrench from her hand and started to smooth away the grease from it__'__s surface with his restless fingers._

_Thera raised her eyebrows and snatched the wrench out of his hands when he didn__'__t continue, __"__Are you going to ask me?__"_

"_Oh,__"__ Jonah gave her a sheepish look, __"__I was going to ask if you wanted to have dinner together?__"_

_Thera frowned, __"__Jonah we always have dinner together.__"__ They did, with everybody else in the communal dining hall._

"_No,__"__ Jonah said, his voice sounded gentle, __"__I mean like a special dinner. Just you and me, in a private place.__"_

_There weren__'__t many private places in the workers' quarters. The dining hall was open and crowded; you ate quickly, then moved on. It wasn__'__t exactly a special or private place.  
_

"_What are you talking about?__"_

_Jonah sighed, __"__I__'__m trying to be romantic.__"_

"_Romantic?__"__ Thera asked softly, awe in her voice. It had been three days since they had kissed, three of the happiest days she could remember. Jonah had been true to his word about going slow. They kissed and hugged but he never pushed her too far and was always conscious of the observing eyes in the workers' bunks. He pulled her into dark corners or empty corridors and kissed her sweetly, letting her pick the pace. When she pulled away, they returned to the sleeping area, and they returned to their usual ritual of Thera scribbling in her precious notebook and Jonah watching her quietly, fiddling with whatever was in reach. They sat a little closer, Thera often sat reclined in his arms, her back against his chest as she rested the notebook on her bended knees. Jonah would drop teasing kisses to her neck and his hands would massage her sore muscles or he would rest his head on her shoulder, peer at her writing and ask her to explain. It was perfect, comfortable and warm and safe. _

"_Yeah, like a date,__"__ Jonah said shrugging, looking nervous._

_Thera hadn__'__t heard that word spoken before but for some reason she knew what it meant. She paused for a moment, confused by her understanding of a word that seemed so familiar yet so foreign. Her mind drifted back to Jonah__'__s question, he wanted to have a private dinner with her?_

"_Where would we go?__"_

"_Leave it to me, I__'__ve got it all worked out,__"__ Jonah said with a smile._

"_Okay, when?__"__ Thera replied smiling in return._

"_Tonight, at meal break, I__'__ll be waiting by your bunk,__"__ Jonah gave her a quick kiss on the lips, __"__Dress in something nice.__"__ He teased then headed for the exit._

_Thera laughed and looked down at her thick brown uniform. Dress in something nice? Jonah knew that this was all she had._

_***_

Sam felt herself relax as soon as they got to the surface and she was able to step outside and breathe in the fresh air, feel the sunlight on her face and see the familiar green landscape of home. She felt like running across the carpark and disappearing into the dense forest that covered the mountain.

Instead she followed Janet to her small car and got inside. As soon as they were passed the check out gates of the SGC, Sam rolled down the window and kept her eyes glued to the quickly moving scenery. Janet drove fast down the mountain and Sam appreciated the rush of fresh air against her cheek and the green and brown blur of the view outside her window.

"We've got about four hours before we are due back for your evaluation, did you want to go to the shops to stock up before I take you home?" Janet's voice floated into her distracted mind.

"Uh, no thanks," Sam shook her head, she just wanted to see her little home, make sure it was still standing, the groceries could wait till tomorrow, "I just want to go home."

"Okay," Janet said easily, and they slipped back into silence as Sam stared out her window, thinking of nothing but how nice it was to be outside and back on Earth.

They pulled up to Sam's home and she was relieved to find that it mostly looked exactly the same. The garden needed a little attention but, thanks to Janet, her mail was neatly stacked on the counter and the refrigerator empty of any perishable items.

"Thanks for cleaning it up," Sam opened the fridge and took a brief look inside, noting the empty shelves, "I owe you one."

"Don't worry about it," Janet said smiling, although Sam thought it looked a little forced, "There wasn't much to do but empty the fridge and take out the trash. Cass picked up your mail after school every day."

"Still, thank you," Sam took a seat on her comfortable couch and closed her eyes, "It's nice not to have to return to a biohazard."

"Yeah," Janet perched on the edge of the armchair she occupied and cleared her throat nervously, "Sam there's a reason I took you off base."

"What?" Sam felt the tension in the room racket up a notch. Janet had been pleasant all morning, not pushing Sam to talk about the 'situation', simply coming into her room after she had changed and mentioning that Sam had clearance to go off base for a few hours if Janet accompanied her. Sam hadn't thought that there had been an ulterior motive to her freedom other than giving her some breathing space from the oppressive SGC base.

"I spoke with General Hammond this morning," Janet said cautiously.

"Did you… tell him?" Sam stumbled over the words. She knew he would have to be told, but the thought of her commanding officer, a man she looked up to, knowing of their indiscretion caused her stomach to twist into knots.

"He already knew," Janet said carefully, "Colonel O'Neill informed him."

Sam closed her eyes, remembering the fevoured look Jack had held the night before as he had said he would sort everything out. He'd obviously not wasted any time, and gone straight to Hammond. Jack O'Neill was an honourable man, he would have told Hammond the truth, the whole truth.

"Oh," Sam whispered the knots in her stomach twisted tighter.

"You won't be court martialled," Janet reassured her, "General Hammond knows that neither yourself or Colonel O'Neill were aware your relationship was illegal."

Sam nodded, relieved, "That's good news." But still her stomach was twisted. There was still the… baby.

"General Hammond is discussing the options with Colonel O'Neill, but ultimately this is going to be your choice," Janet said next. Her face was guarded and Sam prepared herself for the worst, "If you choose to have the baby, you will need to be removed off of SG1 for the duration of your pregnancy and maternity leave."

"And after?" Sam had known that she wouldn't be allowed through the gate pregnant.

"After, if you want to rejoin a team, you will need to join another team," Janet paused, "Not SG1."

Sam could see the logic in that. She couldn't serve on the same team as the colonel if she were to be the mother of his child. Whether they were together or not, that was one conflict of interest that would be too big of an issue for the safe workings of a frontline military team. Sam's heart twisted painfully at the thought of leaving SG1, the team was everything to her, her life's work and ambition. To leave the team and work in the labs would be a deft blow to her military career and sense of adventure. She thrived off world, not just in the labs, was a competent soldier; but Sam couldn't fathom carrying the lifestyle she had now with a baby in tow.

"I expected that," Sam's hands crushed the material of the couch beneath her. She had expected it, but it was no easier hearing the words spoken aloud.

"Your other option," Janet cleared her throat nervously, "If you choose to have the abortion."

Sam's eye's flicked briefly to Janet's, "Yes?" She balked at the idea of ending the pregnancy, but even still, a small part of her argued that the logic in a termination would mean the ability to continue on with her career and life as it was. Put the whole incident behind her.

"If you were to have the termination," Janet continued, "General Hammond would have you reassigned to another field team."

Sam's mouth dropped open, "I'd be removed from SG1?"

"Sam-"

"I…" Sam got up and paced the small room, "So if I have the baby I lose the team. If I don't have the baby I lose the team. So much for modern day choice."

Janet held up her hands and spoke calmly, "Think about it Sam, do you really think you and Colonel O'Neill would be able to work together after -"

"I kill his baby," Sam spat the words out, finishing Janet's sentence bluntly, "No I guess we wouldn't," she said angrily, "It's just that I'm the one that has to deal with the damn consequences."

"It's not the end of your career Sam," Janet ignored Sam's outburst, "And you know as well as I do that Colonel O'Neill will stand by you in this." Janet's voice was slightly harder than intended and Sam seemed to deflate suddenly at the tone.

She crumpled back down into the couch, "I know," Sam whispered, "He really wants this baby." _But I don__'__t think he wants me._

Janet could see the unspoken words in Sam's eyes, "You two need to talk things out."

Sam shook her head, "I don't know how to talk to him."

Janet gave Sam a curious look, "You two were close on the ice planet weren't you? Talk to him as Jonah, not as your C.O."

Sam gave Janet a bleak look, "But he isn't Jonah. He is my commanding officer."

"Well, in a way," Janet looked at her steadily, "He's both isn't he?"

***


	11. Chapter 11

_Chapter Eleven_

***

"_So, how was your dinner?__"__ Jonah__'__s asked with an impish grin from across the small work table he had set up for their __'__romantic__'__ dinner. Encased in a bed sheet, with clean bowls, and perfectly lit with a mix of carefully placed lanterns, the whole setup brought a soft smile to Thera__'__s face. The empty rec room had never looked so appealing._

"_It tasted better than usual,__"__ Thera grinned back at him. The usual slushy stew and stale bread had been the same as it always was, but still, with Jonah__'__s leg tangled with hers under the table and his warm gaze on her skin, the bland taste seemed better than it usually did. _

"_I try,__"__ Jonah eased himself up from behind the table and dragged his stool so he was sitting closer to her. Thera wedged herself to his side and rested her head on his shoulder with a sigh._

"_It really was lovely Jonah,__"__ Thera__'__s smile dimmed, __"__How long 'till we have to be back at the bunks?__"_

"_Not long,__"__ Jonah sighed, __"__But we have time.__"_

"_For?__"__ Thera shifted to look at his face wondering at his expectations and thinking back to their agreement to take things slow. Privacy aside, Thera still had an unerring sensation that every time they touched it was strangely forbidden. _

"_Talking,__"__ Jonah said simply, __"__We agreed the other stuff could wait.__"_

_Thera crinkled up her nose, __"__Other stuff?__"_

"_Oh you know,__"__ Jonah rolled his eyes dramatically, __"__The stuff where I finally let you have your way with me.__"_

_Thera laughed, __"__Is that so?__"_

"_I don__'__t go all the way on the first date Thera,__"__ Jonah shook his head, his face a picture of innocence. The words sounded foreign and distant, but Thera understood the humour and meaning in the words._

"_Well I was going to suggest otherwise,__"__ Thera matched his wit, __"__But if you just want to talk, well__…"_

_Jonah backtracked, __"__Of course,__"__ he grinned, __"__My mind could be changed.__"_

_The bell rang loudly and Jonah dropped his head down to rest on top of her own. _

"_Guess that__'__s that then,__"__ Thera said softly._

"_Not quite,__"__ Jonah lifted his head and pressed a passion-fuelled kiss to her lips._

_***_

When Sam spotted Jack's lanky figure resting against the wall next to her private quarters, she pressed her lips together in a tight line. She'd barely been back on base an hour from her brief taste of home and Janet's revelations and all she wanted to do was sit, take a deep breath and think things through.

"Carter," Jack pushed himself up from the wall and Sam nodded at him, her hands fumbling to get her key card out of her pocket.

"Sir," she swiped her card and winced when the light blinked red, "If you'll excuse me, I'm just going to rest for a while." She swiped her card again and this time a small beep and a green light. She turned the door handle and stepped inside, "I'll speak to you later."

Jack's hand flattened against the door as she tried to push it shut, halting her escape to privacy, "This will only take a minute."

"Sir," Sam's eyes dropped from his. She couldn't discuss this with him yet. She'd been given the options and now she needed to think them through, alone. As she always did, "I can't do this now."

"Yes," Jack's voice was surprisingly harsh, "You can. You just won't."

Sam blinked at his tone and was taken off guard by the desperation and pain behind his words. Feeling a wave of guilt, Sam released her grip on the door and stepped back to allow him in, "Okay."

As soon as the colonel entered, Sam made a beeline for the bed. She sat on the edge, hands clasped tightly between her knees and her eyes averted. Jack took the only seat in the room, dragging it so he was facing her.

"I know Janet told you Hammond's options." The tension in the room ratcheted up a notch as Sam flinched.

"I'm leaving SG1." Sam made the statement bitterly. She knew her decision was made on the pregnancy. Termination was never really an option, but the sting of losing her team was still a difficult pain to accept.

Jack nodded, "But you'll be gaining something -"

"Stop saying that," Sam snapped suddenly as she stood up, "I know what I'm getting in return."

"I don't think you do," Jack said quietly and as suddenly as the anger had flashed through her body it left. She watched in silence as Jack twisted his hands together, an intense look in his eyes. She dropped back down onto the bed with a heavy sigh, her mind switching to the pictures she had seen of a brown-haired boy with his father's cheeky grin.

"I'm keeping the baby," Sam said the words slowly and she realised suddenly that all this time, she had already known her decision. She just wasn't ready to face the full ramifications of the choice. Not when everything had been so suddenly turned on its head.

Jack let out a long sigh, "I'm not going to let you do this on your own."

An image of herself, belly swollen and a smile on her lips as Jack's warm hands caressed her belly flashed through her mind. She pushed it away. It wasn't Jack she was imagining. Not the colonel. It was Jonah, and she didn't have rights to him anymore. He didn't exist.

"Thank you sir," Sam said and she knew she sounded stiff, "I understand we'll have some practical issues to work out but I think it can wait, don't you?"

Another imaged flashed through her mind, of weekends spent dropping a child off at his house. Leaving them both behind as she went back to an empty home. A life of swapping custody and a broken family, never quite complete.

Jack got up slowly and instead of moving towards the door as she anticipated, he dropped down next to her on the bed. He was close enough that she could feel the heat of his body and the unique smell of his skin. She drew in a long, slow breath, taking in the scent of him and half feeling as though she was back in the mines in another time and place. It seemed like a distant memory that was becoming less and less clear as the hours wore on. Being close to him brought the memories closer, sharper, and they pressed in on her, overwhelming in their intensity.

"What I came to say," Jack cleared his throat and Sam glanced up at his face to see him looking at her intently. She couldn't break his gaze, "I guess I wanted to tell you what I want."

Sam blinked in confusion, "I know what you want," she said softly, "The baby."

Jack should his head, "Of course I want the baby but…" He trailed off, looking uncomfortable.

"But?" Sam felt something lift in her chest.

"I don't want to leave Jonah and Thera behind," Jack's eyes burned into hers and Sam felt her heart pick up speed, "I want-" He stopped, as if the words were blocked from leaving his mouth.

"What do you want?" Sam's voice was agonized.

"I want to give it a go," Jack said simply, he gave her a small shrug and a sheepish grin, "I'm a selfish guy Carter, I want the baby and I want you."

Sam closed her eyes at the frank words. He wanted a family. With her. Her hands clenched tightly where they rested against her belly. With them.

"I…"

"It's a lot to take in."

She felt the mattress shift as Jack stood up. "I need time," All Sam wanted to do was unclench her hands and take a tight grip of him and never let him go. But one part of her still screamed at her to hesitate. To stop and think and let things filter through her brain.

A small smile touched his lips, "To think. I know how you work Carter. Think things through."

"Thank you," Sam felt her hands unclench slightly, "Everything's just changed so quickly."

"Yeah," Jack rubbed a weary hand across his face, "The whole mind stamp thing wasn't much fun was it?"

Sam's eyes flicked to his briefly, "It wasn't all bad."

"No," Jack smiled, "Guess it wasn't."

He walked to the door but just before he turned the handle he turned back around to where she sat, pensive, on the bed.

"One more thing Carter," Jack said, "That you should know."

"What?"

"The mind stamp thing?" Jack said firmly, "It may have given us different names. But the feelings. They were there before. For me."

He disappeared through the door before Sam could respond.

***


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

***

"_I knew something wasn__'__t right,__"__ Thera whispered to Jonah where they rested together in the private alcove, __"__The power readings, the lack of memories, new workers from nowhere, everything just didn__'__t add up.__"_

_Jonah grunted non-commitedly. His own mind weighing up possibilities and a future. He wasn__'__t sure whether it was better to challenge the authorities, demand the truth and risk banishment to the outside for the chance of something else, something better. Or to keep quiet, wait and see whether their conclusions really did amount to a conspiracy._

_But Jonah knew he wasn__'__t a patient person. _

_However, he had Thera to consider. He didn__'__t want their relationship to end. He frowned for a moment, why did he automatically assume that if they followed this hunch, he would lose her?_

"_Don__'__t look at me like that,__"__ Thera interrupted his thoughts._

"_Like what?__"_

"_Like I__'__m going to disappear,__"__ Thera said, __"__I know the risks and I__'__m not going to leave your side. It__'__s where I belong.__"_

"_Where you belong,__"__ A smile lifted the corner of Jonah__'__s lips, __"__I like the sound of that.__"_

"_I mean it,__"__ Thera said firmly, __"__When I__'__m with you, I feel safe. I feel supported and light and I trust you. It__'__s not going to change, no matter what we find out. I__'__d follow you anywhere.__"__ She also had this strange sensation that she would do anything he asked, without question. But she wasn__'__t about to tell him that. _

"_When I look at you I feel connected, like I could trust you with anything and__…"__ Jonah trailed off, something else rushed at him with the wave of trust he felt when he saw Thera, but he couldn__'__t put a word to the feeling. It was indescribable, but at the same time, Jonah knew that it was unbreakable. _

"_Whatever happens, we__'__ll go it together.__"__ Jonah pressed a kiss to Thera__'__s temple. He couldn__'t think of anything that would be more important, than what they __had. _

_Thera pressed closer to him as she agreed, __"__Naturally.__"_

_***_

Sam curled up on her military-issue bunk, the scratchy, worn sheets against her skin and the thin blanket spread over her body. Both of her hands rested against her stomach, still flat with no hint of the life that grew inside her, but already Sam felt different. It was a strange feeling, as if something both very foreign yet very connected was within her. Something very much wanted.

She had firmly decided on keeping this child. And with that decision made within her mind, she turned her thoughts to the other factor in the equation. She could still hear his words, telling her that he wanted not just the baby. He wanted her. Sam; not Thera, her.

She would be lying if she denied that feelings existed before their fateful trip to the icy planet. Years of easy flirting and attraction had melded into something much deeper than friendship and a hero-worship style crush.

On the edge of her consciousness, she questioned her feelings; real as they were, was she just playing the safe bet? Going with the familiar and someone very much an authority figure for the safety and comfort it would bring? The thought didn't sit well with Sam. She was a strong woman, independent and successful in her own right.

But that didn't mean that she didn't want someone to come home to at night. Someone to share something other than work with at the end of her day.

And that was what worried Sam.

Take away their work, take away the SGC and the Air Force, the high pressure affect of their jobs. Would the feelings still be there or was this just a result of the lives and the close proximity their lifestyle had? In three months or three years, would her stomach still twist at the mere sight of him, would his lame humour still bring a smile to her lips?

Although, wasn't that exactly what Jonah and Thera had been? No ranks or SGC or life threatening work, just the two of them. Essentially the same, but with a different life to lead. They had been drawn together from the very beginning, the mind stamp couldn't take away the strength of their bond. Thera had fallen for Jonah completely, and when she remembered the fierce passion that emanated from Jonah's eyes, she knew he felt the same.

So, all this really boiled down to was what exactly did she want? Did she want to risk pain and uncertainty and pursue a relationship with the colonel, with Jack, while starting the terrifying new job of motherhood? Or did she want their relationship to stay the same as it had always been on Earth, always at a distance, but the way it had worked in seamless perfection for years?

What did she want?

Sam pressed her face into the pillow, knowing she had her answer.

***


	13. Chapter 13

_Chapter Thirteen_

"_I keep having this dream,__"__ Thera spoke quietly to Jonah where they rested in their little niche, __"__Over and over again.__"_

"_A bad dream?__"__ Jonah__'__s arms tightened around her in concern._

"_No,__"__ Thera shook her head, __"__Not exactly.__"_

"_Not exactly?__"__ Jonah prodded her, __"__What__'__s it about? You dreaming about walking into the dining area naked?__"_

_Thera laughed, __"__No.__"_

"_I dream about that,__"__ Jonah murmured, __"__You, naked in the dining area, no one else around but me__…"_

"_Jonah,__"__ Thera pushed at his chest lightly, __"__We are not having sex in the dining area.__"_

"_C__'__mon,__"__ Jonah needled, __"__It__'__s after lights out, no one will be around.__"_

_Thera snorted, knowing he wasn__'__t really serious, __"__No.__"_

"_So if we aren__'__t going to do that,__"__ Jonah mock sighed, __"__Then tell me about your dream then?__"_

_Thera shifted, __"__It__'__s the same thing. I keep seeing a tunnel. But it isn__'__t a normal tunnel, its blue, liquid, like water and cold.__"_

"_A blue tunnel?__"__  
_

"_Yes. No. Not a tunnel. A__…"__ Thera searched for the word and couldn__'__t find it, __"__It__'__s twisted and it feels like you're being pushed through with a great force behind you. It__'__s noisy and thrilling and wonderful.__"__ Her voice trailed off into an excited hush._

_Jonah made a thoughtful noise, __"__Sounds interesting.__"_

"_I feel as though it__'__s important,__"__ Thera said, __"__I can__'__t explain why, but every time I dream about this tunnel, I feel like if I could just get to the end of the tunnel I__'__d get__…"_

"_Home,__"__ Jonah finished quietly for her._

_Thera looked at him in surprise, her breath going out of her at the seriousness in his eyes, __"__Yes. Home.__"_

_***_

When he was finally cleared to leave the base, Jack did all the usual things he did when he got back from a long, unexpected absence from home. He cleared out his fridge, aired out musty rooms and restocked his kitchen with the necessary items, namely beer and cereal. Then he sat himself in front of the television with a cold beer in his hand and Simpsons episodes he had borrowed from Siler flashing across the screen.

However, the bright yellow cartoon failed to take his mind from one Samantha Carter. With a heavy sigh, Jack shut off the tv and headed out to the deck, into the sunshine. He couldn't get enough of the warm heat and the freedom of being in open air after being held for so long underground. He closed his eyes and tipped his face towards the sun, breathing in the familiar scent of home.

"I never thought I'd have kids," Sam's soft voice caused him to open his eyes and spin briskly around to face her.

She looked pale in the natural light, but no less beautiful.

"I always assumed with work and the SGC and the Air Force," Sam kept going when he didn't respond, "It would be enough. It always has been."

"Same with having a-" She looked away from his unreadable gaze, dropping her eyes to the wooden decking, "Partner. I've never had the kind of relationship that we-" She stumbled slightly over the words, "That _they_ had back on the planet."

"And now?" Jack asked quietly, watching as her hands reached up to wrap around herself.

"The idea of having a baby seems a little surreal," She huffed lightly in disbelief, "But I can't deny that I think I want this. I want the chance." She bit her lip.

"The chance to have a kid?" Jack pushed her, "Or the chance with having a partner and a kid?"

Sam stared at him for a long moment, her words seemingly changing the subject, "I miss Jonah."

Jack frowned.

"I miss him, but he was never real was he?" she said softly, "Jonah and Thera. They were other people."

"No," Jack said firmly, stepping closer to her, "They were real, I think we have proof of that." His eyes dropped to her stomach and Sam flinched.

Sam clenched her eyes shut tightly; when she opened them again, Jack could see her eyes darken with the heavy emotions pressing in on her, "I'm confused."

"I'm confused daily Carter," His words were light, but the joking tone in Jack's voice was absent.

"Seeing you as Jonah doesn't make sense. When I look at you I think you're not him, you're not Jonah. You're my commanding officer and I can't just change my way of thinking of you to Jonah. I can't even think of you as Jack yet. Not overnight."

She paused, taking a deep breath.

"It's not that I don't want this. One side of me, Thera, is familiar with you and comfortable with that relationship. But the other side of me is screaming that we aren't allowed to do this and I can't just make it go away."

Jack didn't say a word. Just watched her closely with cautious eyes as she paced in front of him nervously. Her words spilling out before she could sensor them.

"Thera might have been ready for this, dealt with everything better than this. It's like one part of me already knows you, has this intimate relationship with you. But the other part of me. The real me, this is all new. And I can't just slip into Thera's role."

"I'd never expect you to be Thera," Jack shook his head, "You're forgetting I have the whole Jekyll and Hyde thing going on up here too." Jack tapped his forehead, "I still think of you as Carter, still have this weirdly separate but also familiar image of knowing you as Thera."

"You seem to be taking it a hell of a lot better than me," Sam said dryly.

"I guess," Jack's sighed softly, his head cocked slightly to the side as he looked at her, "I'm a simple guy Carter. Whether you're called Thera or Carter or Sam or Wendy I don't care. I just want to be with you. With the woman I've spent the last four years trying to pretend I'm not attracted to."

"Oh." The breath went out of Sam as she stared at the intense emotion in his face. It wasn't just attraction; she could read something in his face that both scared and thrilled her, "It's always been us hasn't it?" She thought back to the flirting, the attraction and the thinly disguised feelings that had been present during almost the entire time they had known each other.

"It's always been us," Jack said, "For me."

Sam reached a steadying hand out to the railing next to her, shifting herself next to the colonel. To Jack.

"It's always been us for me too," Sam said, "But I'm not sure I'm ready for everything to change."

Jack could understand that. It wasn't just her personal life that was changing, her career and work life was about to take on a drastically different path, "You know I'm reaching the end of my use-by date in the field Carter. You might need to take a step back from missions right now, but it's not the end, and trust me, we can figure something out. Get you back on SG1"

"In some ways, it feels as though my work is over," Sam looked down as she spoke, "I know it sounds stupid but my career has been my whole life."

"I get that Carter," Jack said gently, "It would be cruel to take you away from something you love, something you're so damn good at. And it's not the end, a break perhaps, but I can't ever see the SGC letting you go."

"Maybe," Sam murmured.

"No maybe about it," Jack raised his eyebrows, "The Earth would have been gone ten times over if it wasn't for that brain of yours. You might be taking a bit of a different role, but you'll be building reactors and preventing wormhole catastrophes again before you know it."

"With a baby on my hip?" Sam raised her eyebrows in return.

"Any kid of yours will probably have memorised the periodic table by age 2 Carter," Jack grinned, "But in the chance the kid takes after me, I could always do the stay-at-home dad gig."

"You wouldn't get bored?" Sam questioned.

Jack laughed, "I'm pretty sure I can find things to amuse myself outside of work. That's never been a problem for me."

Jack could still see the uncertainty written on her face. While he was doing the whole parenthood thing for the second time, Carter on the other hand was brand new to the mom role.

"You've always been more than just your career Sam," Jack said, "And you can be more that just a mom too. It doesn't limit you to one role for the rest of your life."

"I know," Sam accepted his words, change was inevitable, and maybe it wasn't going to be like she had thought, "But we need to take things slow. Start again."

"I can do that. Take things as slow as you need." Jack made sure to hold her gaze as he spoke, "I'd never pressure you Carter."

"I know," Sam let out a sharp breath, "The last few days… It's like I've slipped back into my life but I've missed the last few years and everything has moved on. I'm not ready yet. But I can't go back. We can't go back."

"I don't want to go back," Jack said firmly, "On the planet, what Jonah had; that's what I want. It's what I've wanted since before the damn stamp."

Jack watched as heat rose in Sam's cheeks, "I wanted it too. I just, never thought we'd get the chance." One hand slipped down to rest against her belly and she looked down at where it lay.

"So we're really going to do this?" Jack asked hopefully, his hand reaching out to press against hers where it rested on her stomach, "You want to give us a chance?"

Sam nodded, and gave him a tremulous smile, "Yeah, I want to. Just slow."

"Do you think staying for pizza would be slow enough for you?" Jack suggested lightly, "We could stay in, catch up on the news." His eyes made it clear there was no pressure for her to stay.

Sam took a deep breath, "Change the pizza to Thai and that sounds good to me."

Jack grinned, "Who am I to argue with a pregnant lady."

***


	14. Epilogue

Epilogue

Sam squinted at the image stuck on the fridge. The grainy black and white splodge which was apparently her child, their child, at 14 weeks gestation.

"Isn't she gorgeous?" Jack murmured. He too had stopped from where he was unloading the groceries on the kitchen counter to stare at the printout Sam had just pinned up on the fridge.

Sam nodded, "Yeah," she flicked him a teasing grin, "Could be a boy though."

Jack left the apples on the counter and joined her to stare at the picture, "Nah, it's a girl. You can't see any guy bits."

Sam rolled her eyes, "I can barely make out where the baby is in the picture, let alone any minute detail."

"Hey!" Jack protested, "Any male offspring of mine has never and will never be described as minute."

Sam pushed him back to the counter, "Janet said she couldn't tell yet anyway."

"So I guess we paint the baby's room yellow then," Jack said lightly. A silence fell between them at the mention of the baby's room. Six weeks after their return from the ice planet, they had been taking things slowly. Dating, Janet had teased her, but Sam wasn't sure that the term was entirely accurate. They spent time together outside of work, sure, but it didn't feel like just dating; instead, it felt as though they were, slowly letting each other into their private lives. It went beyond the usual lightness of dating, yet the slow and easy pace had been perfect in adjusting into the recent changes. But any deeper discussion of their situation, of their relationship, had been kept to a minimum.

"I guess we need to figure out what we are going to do about the living situation." Sam turned a serious gaze on Jack, "Things are going well and…"

"No rush," Jack said gently, "Things are fine as they are, if that's all you want right now."

"Do you want more?" Sam asked.

The intensity in Jack's gaze should have scared her, instead it felt as if her entire body had been filled with a strange tingling sensation, "You know I do," he said evenly, "But you know I can wait 'till you're ready."

Sam thought back on the weeks that had just spent together. The weekends spent gardening and visiting the local national parks, of Jack attempting to fix her heater and making it worse; late night phone calls, soft kisses and the feel of his steady hand on the back of her neck during the worst of her morning sickness.

The vague feeling that it was wrong had faded, the barrier of work was gone, and while she was still adjusting to her life away from active duty, she had reached a certain point where she no longer felt held back from what she wanted.

"I'm ready." The words were out of her mouth before the thought had even ended.

"You sure?" Jack stepped closer to her, one hand stretched out between them hesitantly, "I need you to be sure."

Sam reached out and grasped his hand tightly, "I'm sure."

Jack pulled her close to him tightly and she rested against his chest tucking her head under his chin, she closed her eyes and listened to the sound of his heartbeat, feeling his hand drift down to press against the barely-present bump at her belly. His lips brushed a kiss against her hair and he whispered quietly, "Thank you."

Sam shook her head, thinking of the past month and all the drama and the hurdles still to come, "Don't thank me yet."

Jack rubbed a hand over her belly, his voice soothing, "Things are going to work out just fine, Carter."

The usual uncertainty failed to flare at his words and Sam felt the stirrings of contentment settle through her. She really did believe things were going to be okay. Maybe not smooth and easy, but Jack was right, things would be fine.

"I know." Sam shifted to look at him and gave him a grin, "I'm hungry, lets make pancakes."

"Pancakes?" Jack raised his eyebrows, "It's three in the afternoon."

"Pancakes," Sam said firmly, "We can discuss the living situation once I've eaten." She picked up a teatowel and swatted him lightly.

"Okay," Jack stepped out the way and towards the cupboards, his hands up in surrender, "The lady and the bump want pancakes. Pancakes they get."

***

The END!

Thanks to you all SO much for the reviews and support. It was an absolute blast writing this and I hope you all enjoyed reading it!


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